Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Question:  When I first receive communication from a potential client they do not initially specify that they are an LGBT couple. On some occasions it is not even mentioned, until after a relationship is established. During our phone call I normally get a "feeling" because there is something mysterious about our conversation.  Why would a LGBT couple not come out when they first call or email?  Do you have a suggestion on how I can encourage them to be open from the beginning?

Answer:  Great question. I advise LGBT couples to come out right away when calling vendors so they get a sense right away whether they are dealing with someone supportive or not. That said, plenty of couples are too nervous to do so and afraid of rejection. As a wedding planner, your job is not to assume either way and when you do find out that it's a same-sex couple, be super cool and supportive in a genuine, authentic way. If you can create marketing materials that are inclusive, you will automatically set the right kind of open atmosphere they'll feel more comfortable in.  

Additionally, you'll have to start coming out on their behalf when you refer them to vendors.  Don't let the client call directly and don't assume that your typical vendor list is all gay-friendly so you can avoid a potentially homophobic situation entirely. Make sure you verify supportiveness by specifically asking yourself - and only partner your clients with those who are completely on board.  If someone that you refer your client to ends up being unsupportive, then you will look terrible!

Do you have any burning questions for me? Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

We’ve all had booths at wedding expos in the past. And most wedding expos are targeted to straight couples but there are a few things you should keep in mind in the event that LGBT couples pass through these mainstream wedding expos.  They will come!  Slowly at first, but they'll be there!

1. When you see two women together, they may actually be getting married to each other! It’s true that one may be the bride and the other may be the MOH or a bridesmaid, but don’t make any assumptions either way. Don’t ask, “who’s the bride?” or “which one of you is getting married.” Follow the lead of the women – don’t make any assumptions. 

2. Similarly, when you see two men together, don’t ask, “where’s the bride?” 

3. If you have a form that you want couples to fill out for a raffle or for additional information, don’t say “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” – just say “name” or “bride/groom.” 

4. To the best of your ability showcase your work that is most neutral in tone. That means using photos that are detail shots, long shots and shots of a bride alone or a groom alone. The more images you have of a bride and groom together, the more put-off a same-sex couple may feel. 

5. If you do encounter a same-sex couple, avoid terms such as “sexual preference”, “lifestyle”, “homosexual” and avoid stereotyping them. Believe it or not, I was told by a couple that someone at an expo asked them if one of the partners was the “bride” and one was the “groom” in the relationship. 

These tips, when followed properly, should in no way turn off your potential straight clients either. They are designed to fall under the radar where your potential straight clients don’t notice and your potential same-sex clients are much appreciative.

Question:  How should I handle another vendor that refuses to do the wedding when they find out it is a gay couple? How would you tell the couple? 

Answer:   It's important to make sure this situation never happens. 

Before working with a same-sex couple, it's important to establish in advance which vendors you know (and learn about some that you may not know about) that are already comfortable with gay weddings. If you are working with a couple and then asking vendors, never mention a vendor to a couple without first establishing that he or she is a gay-owned or gay-friendly business. Your client should NEVER find out that a vendor you recommended doesn't want to do their wedding. You'll look bad for making the referral in the first place. 

If you do hear from a vendor that doesn't do gay weddings, I would suggest not using them for your straight weddings as well.

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

I have a bunch of questions that have come in from wedding professionals and I'll be answering a bunch in the coming weeks.  Here we go:

Question:  What's the best way to find officiants who are qualified and willing to do a gay wedding?

Answer: You have to ask officiants individually. This is part of the process of building your team of vendors (not just officiants) who are gay owned and gay-friendly businesses. There's no getting around it. You just have to ask and make an assessment of how comfortably they answered the question. A good resource for officiants who have a specific understanding of gay weddings is the Celebrant Institute. 

Do you have any burning questions?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

With any industry, it's important to know your market when defining your client base and establishing your marketing plan.  If you want to reach the lucrative gay and lesbian wedding market, knowing the needs of this market is no different.  But beyond the broad "gay and lesbian wedding market", there are a bunch of sub-groups.  For example:

• Older gay and lesbian couples will be attracted to a different set of images, a different style of website and different company values than a younger couple.
• Gay male couples will be attracted to different types of images and language than lesbian couples.
• and then there are sub-cultures within these groups (ie, leather bears) but I won't go into detail about that.

For all of my colleagues in the industry who sell a wedding-related product, not just a wedding-related service, I'd strongly advise you to go through your promo photos in your online store and update the names on the photos of your sample merchandise.  Your product may be a wedding related t-shirt, heirloom, guest book, invitation etc.

For example, many products will have names like:
Bill and Jane's Wedding
July 21, 2011

Sarah and Thomas
October 22, 2011

etc.

All you should do is choose name that could be either male or female instead - there are plenty of examples, such as:
Kelly and Pat
Chris and Taylor
Leslie and Terry
Morgan and Dana
Casey and Jody
Jamie and Robin

This is a simple switch that makes your product gender neutral and inclusive and makes it more accessible for all couples.

I've discussed at length the alternatives to using bride and groom on your contracts, forms, etc. This post isn't about contracts and forms but is instead about alternative terms in your marketing copy and collateral.  Let's look at some examples from real websites:

It is our pleasure to assist in creating memorable occasions with minimal effort for the bride and groom throughout both the planning process and the day of execution.

Substitute "the bride and groom" for "brides and grooms" or "the couple" or "the engaged couple"

Why is VENUE on every Georgia bride's "must see" list?

Substitute "bride's" for "couple"

Our large, well appointed Bridal Suite is included with booking your wedding package.

Substitute "Bridal Suite" for "Honeymoon Suite" or "Newlywed Suite"

The bridesmaids and groomsmen can be pampered, too.

Substitute "the bridesmaids and groomsmen" for "the wedding party" or "the attendants"

The perfect pick for a private, romantic ceremony just for the Bride and Groom.

Substitute "Bride and Groom" for "sweethearts", "brides and grooms" or "the couple"

Included in the package are a Bridal bouquet and Groom's Boutonniere'

Substitute "Bridal bouquet and Groom's Boutonniere" for "one bouquet and one boutonniere or two of each"

Whatever alternative terms you choose, be sure to update these materials or risk alienating a very lucrative potential market!

In 21 of our 50 states, it's illegal to deny a same-sex couple services on the basis of their sexual orientation.  This is because the state's anti-discrimination law includes sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

This means that in 29 U.S. states, you can legally discriminate against LGBT people.  In states such as Florida and Virginia, couples can legally be denied services.  

A lesbian couple in Vermont (above) just filed a lawsuit against an inn in Vermont, a place they had hoped to have their wedding.  The couple claims that the inn said in an email that the owners are not comfortable hosting the wedding.  In Vermont, this is against the law.

And, just this week in New Jersey, a lesbian bride was denied a dress at a bridal shop.

What are the laws in your state?  You can find out here.  If couples are not protected, you may hear some horror stories from the couples that call you for help. Remember, if you are working with same-sex couples, it's important to not only be their vendor but also their advocate.

(Photo credit:  Toby Talbot, AP)

Yesterday was the first day same-sex couples could apply online for marriage licenses in New York City (to be then available for pick up on July 25).  Sounds great, except that the NYC Marriage Bureau failed to update the form on the website, attracting all sorts of negative media attention and frustration from couples.  The form was updated later in the day but originally had one section for "Bride" and another section for "Groom."

Check it out:


Make sure that your business contact form, contract, marketing materials etc, don't make the same mistake as the NYC Marriage Bureau!  You don't want to accidentally offend or put off potential clients...this could be a $50,000 mistake, literally!

Have you updated your materials yet?

I find myself often guilty of focusing so much on the wedding itself.  The photography, the linens and so forth.  Many of us probably do the same thing.  And even when I teach my peers about gay weddings, especially in the shorter presentations, I don't spend much time on the other businesses that are interconnected.  You probably see it with straight weddings but it's a little bit different for gay weddings.

My homework for you is to identify:

• an attorney who specializes in estate planning and is familiar with the unique needs of same-sex couples
• an attorney who can do second parent adoption for same-sex families
• a gay realtor or a realtor who is familiar with gay-friendly areas and neighborhoods where families can comfortably raise children
• a gay mortgage broker or a mortgage broker who is familiar with any challenges/tax implications for same-sex couples
• a gay financial planner who is familiar with the unique investing challenges/tax implications for same-sex couples
• a gay travel agent or a travel agent who is familiar with which destinations are and are not gay-friendly