Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Question: How Should I Handle Another Vendor That Refuses to Work on My Client's Same-Sex Wedding?

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, September 26, 2011

Question: How should I handle another vendor that refuses to do the wedding when they find out it is a gay couple? How would you tell the couple?

Answer: It's important to make sure this situation never happens.

Before working with a same-sex couple, it's important to establish in advance which vendors you know (and learn about some that you may not know about) that are already comfortable with gay weddings. If you are working with a couple and then asking vendors, never mention a vendor to a couple without first establishing that he or she is a gay-owned or gay-friendly business. Your client should NEVER find out that a vendor you recommended doesn't want to do their wedding. You'll look bad for making the referral in the first place.

If you do hear from a vendor that doesn't do gay weddings, I would suggest not using them for your straight weddings as well.

Do you have any burning questions for me? Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

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Question: How Do I Find Officiants Who Perform Gay Weddings to Recommend to My Clients?

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, September 22, 2011

I have a bunch of questions that have come in from wedding professionals and I'll be answering a bunch in the coming weeks. Here we go:

Question: What's the best way to find officiants who are qualified and willing to do a gay wedding?

Answer: You have to ask officiants individually. This is part of the process of building your team of vendors (not just officiants) who are gay owned and gay-friendly businesses. There's no getting around it. You just have to ask and make an assessment of how comfortably they answered the question. A good resource for officiants who have a specific understanding of gay weddings is the Celebrant Institute.

Do you have any burning questions? Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

Comments

Reynolds Treasures commented on 26-Sep-2011 12:18 PM

I am a wedding officiant in Upstate SC,where unfortunately gay marriage is not legal. However, I can do a commitment ceremony! Let me know if anyone in SC, NC, or GA would like to have me perform a commitment ceremony! Thanks! Penny

The Industries Interconnected with Gay Weddings

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, July 05, 2011

I find myself often guilty of focusing so much on the wedding itself. The photography, the linens and so forth. Many of us probably do the same thing. And even when I teach my peers about gay weddings, especially in the shorter presentations, I don't spend much time on the other businesses that are interconnected. You probably see it with straight weddings but it's a little bit different for gay weddings.

My homework for you is to identify:

an attorney who specializes in estate planning and is familiar with the unique needs of same-sex couples
an attorney who can do second parent adoption for same-sex families
a gay realtor or a realtor who is familiar with gay-friendly areas and neighborhoods where families can comfortably raise children
a gay mortgage broker or a mortgage broker who is familiar with any challenges/tax implications for same-sex couples
a gay financial planner who is familiar with the unique investing challenges/tax implications for same-sex couples
a gay travel agent or a travel agent who is familiar with which destinations are and are not gay-friendly

In opening a New York office for my business, I am identifying these members of my "team." These businesses are all interconnected with the wedding world. My clients frequently make many big changes at once - and the businesses above are all set to benefit from the legalization of gay marriage in New York and beyond. If you can help your client find the right attorney, travel agent, etc, you have a competitive advantage and the couple will love you for it.

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Announcing Summer Dates for the GWI Certificate Course

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Sunday, June 26, 2011

I was planning to wait til the fall to launch new dates for the Gay Wedding Institute Certificate course, but in light of my phone and email blowing up with calls from New York wedding vendors looking to enter the gay wedding market, I thought it best to set up some dates for July, before the gay marriage law goes into effect in New York.

So, announcing new dates: July 12, July 14 and July 19, at 3pm EST. And of course, non New Yorkers are welcome also!

Registration is open and you can register here!

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Introducing the GWI Course Grads

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, March 31, 2011

The individuals below worked very hard to complete the GWI certificate course which wrapped up last week. They spent 3+ hours on webinars, did homework on their own time and now all have the resources to help LGBT couples with their wedding plans. These individuals are literally from around the world - from as far away as Hawaii and Canada, from Maryland, DC, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Massachusetts and beyond. It gives me great pleasure to introduce the first round of GWI certificate course grads.

Wayne Alldridge
Katie Bianchi
Julie Buckley
Holly Carney
Cassie Conching
Christy Daly
Nancy Salatto Deighan
Julia Grasch
Patricia Hall
Cara Lanza
Tracey Manailescu
Michele Stallings Mills
Andrea Nacci
Colleen Reid
Ira Task
Jen Wooster-McBride
Jen VanMassenhoven

Thank you all for your outstanding participation! I know you will be fantastic advocates for your same-sex clients!

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"Love is Love is Love"

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm an AmeriCorps alum and our slogan is "putting idealism to work." I think being a producer of gay weddings and an educator about gay weddings is a pretty idealistic career.

I love meeting wedding vendors who say to me, "I'm so supportive of gay marriage. There's no difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding. Love is love is love!"

It's very sweet. And it's very idealistic. And then I hear stories like the one I heard from Lacy Branch in St. Louis where she got a call from a same-sex couple and she was the only planner in her area who would talk to them. And the story from Kelly Karli in Vail who received a call from a guy almost embarrassed to tell her that he wants to go in drag on his wedding day. And these stories are part of the reasons gay weddings are different.

Of course when I was 27 and my company was brand new, I was ultra-idealistic and while I still have a good solid sense of that idealism, the reality of spending six years working with couples seeking acceptance and equality changes that. I'd love to put myself out of business someday. But until then, it's important to remind yourself that gay weddings are different.

Just ask any same-sex couple living in one of the 45 states where their relationship is not recognized.

If you're a wedding vendor who believes that "love is love is love" and you still have photos of straight couples plastered all over your site with the phrase "bride and groom" everywhere, then please start walking the talk.

Comments

Sally commented on 15-Jun-2010 10:24 AM

For vendors serving gay and hetero markets, what's the best way to balance both worlds and not be too offensive to either group? Should all references to brides and grooms (in any combination) be replaced with "spouse" or a similar generic term?

Bernadette Coveney commented on 15-Jun-2010 10:27 AM

Excellent question. You can balance both by saying "brides and grooms", "couple", "client", "newlyweds" or yes, any other generic term, or no term at all.

Alexandra Jusino commented on 15-Jun-2010 10:57 AM

Forty five states that don't recognize gay marriages? I didn't realize there were still that many? And sadly Illinois is one of them. It seems like we've moved forward but it just feels like we still have a LONG LONG LONG way to go. Good Post Bernadette!

What's the Difference Between a Straight and a Gay Wedding?

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, June 14, 2010

I get this question all the time, "What's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?" The last person to ask was sweetheart Colin Cowie, whom I met last week at Engage!

I'd be out of business if I couldn't answer it. It's the reason there's demand for a gay wedding producer. Here's a short list of differences:

50% of the country is opposed to gay marriage and many in the wedding industry do not support it either - couples face discrimination.

And it's perfectly legal to discriminate against LGBT couples in 28 U.S. states (i.e. a vendor can say, "I don't want to work with you.")

Who do you think fills the role of the "bride" during a wedding processional, when there are two brides or two grooms? We typically avoid anyone assuming this role by having the couple process together, hand-in-hand, or down two aisles simultaneously...

What do lesbian brides wear?

What do you call an engaged lesbian who doesn't feel like a "bride?"

Just a little food for thought...the list goes on. How do you answer this question?

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An Engage! Recap from the Point of View from the First Gay Wedding Planner

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, June 14, 2010

Last week, in between weddings, I dashed down to the Cayman Islands for the luxury wedding industry summit, Engage! There are some brilliant recaps on other blogs like BridalBar, Jasmine Star, Album Boutique, Elizabeth Anne Designs, to name a few. I don't need to talk about the impeccable details or post photos since others have done it so well, but I did want to share my own experience as the only attendee specifically in the business of gay weddings.

Now, make no mistake, there were plenty of other attendees in the wedding business who happened to be gay - just no one else in the "gay wedding business." As such, I felt honored to be singled out as an Innovator by Rebecca Grinnals during her opening remarks.

One of the first things that stands out to me is that this was the first wedding industry event I've ever attended where I wasn't bombarded by those passing me business cards seeking referrals in order to access my lucrative niche. How refreshing to be in a crowd above such gaucheness. I was among people from whom I could learn, and whom could learn from me with an open dialogue, candor and not an ounce of competitiveness. I've never been at an event with such a spirit of collaboration and vision (and I used to work for nonprofits) - and an understanding of the way the wedding industry is evolving.

I am in the business of identifying unmet needs for my clients and trying to solve the problem of heterosexism within the wedding industry. Last week, I met Millie Bratten, Editor of Brides magazine, whose current issue features a Real lesbian wedding. I talked to Randy Fenoli and his agent Jennifer about the lack of wardrobe options for lesbian brides. I spoke with Carley Roney from the Knot about improving Gay.Weddings.com. I spoke with Colin Cowie about creating a product that is inclusive for all engaged couples. It's nice to be able to freely speak with those who have the power to create positive change.

Everyone I met has their heart in the right place and wants to be more proactive - not just because it's good for business (and it is) but because it's also good for society. 40 years ago on June 12 was the day it became illegal to ban interracial marriage. Only 40 years ago. When will we look back on the day in which it became illegal to ban gay marriage?

It's not far away and I'm thrilled that such wedding industry visionaries are beginning to understand the impact that the (forthcoming...and it is forthcoming) legalization of gay marriage will have on the industry as a whole. Big thanks to Rebecca and Kathryn Arce for creating the space for this dialogue. These are the stories which change the world. What's your story?

(Those last two lines are my company's slogan, by the way)

Comments

Rosalind Bordo commented on 14-Jun-2010 06:25 PM

Bernadette, you are just awesome! Your post gave me chills and I know that the day is coming where it is legal everywhere. Bit by bit by bit. We'll get there. SO great to meet you in person. xoxo

Cyd commented on 14-Jun-2010 08:32 PM

Loved reading your perspective on Engage - I too am really excited to see how the industry evolves once gay marriage is finally legalized. Thank you for sharing your take!

Tip for Wedding Planners who Want to Plan Gay Weddings: Vendor Screening

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, June 10, 2010

In 2002, my girlfriend at the time and I were guests at a friend's commitment ceremony in South Carolina. The couple was from Atlanta but 100+ of us traveled to South Carolina because Edisto Island was a favorite place of these girls. They used all local vendors and even hired a local DJ. It was a beautiful event. Sometime that evening, the DJ began to make obnoxious, rude and homophobic statements and had to be kicked out of the wedding. Can you imagine kicking a DJ out of a wedding? It seems almost unfathomable.

But that's one thing my clients would never ever ever experience - because I screen vendors. They don't want to deal with discomfort, assumptions about the bride and groom, or downright rudeness.

I hear from a lot of gay and lesbian couples. And sometimes I hear them say, "You'd never believe the person I just spoke to at so-and-so" as they proceed to tell me an ugly story about a wedding vendor's awkwardness or distaste for the "gay lifestyle".

(I put lifestyle in quotes because we don't call it that - it's not a lifestyle, it's a life - but some people refer to being gay as a lifestyle)

If you are a wedding planner and want to start marketing yourself to gay and lesbian couples, you absolutely must identify a list of gay-friendly (or preferably gay-owned) vendors in your area. You must ask them the hard questions about their experience with gay couples and you must use your instincts to determine whether or not they are telling you what you want to hear because they want the business.

It's critical to your success in this market. Your reputation would be ruined if you had to kick a DJ (or any other vendor) out of a gay wedding for being hostile to the guests.

Are there a lot of gay-friendly or gay-owned wedding businesses in your area? Are you planning to start screening vendors in preparation to reach this market?

Comments

Tom Spencer commented on 28-Jun-2010 08:09 PM

I'm the owner of a small gay owned and operated DJ service 20 minutes outside of Washington Dc. I have been visiting your website for months and read your blog and stories regularly and often more than once. Sorry no dull business cards
here!

My partner, sidekick Gilles (french Canadian) and business partner Brenda and I admire you greatly and I can't thank you enough for all the ideas and education we have gotten from you. I wonder if you know how important your site is. I personally think it the best in the industry.

I relate so well to this article. I can't tell you how many sad stories I hear from my LGBT couples that plan their own event. Just this month I interviewed and booked a fabulous lesbian couple here at my home studio that told me about the rejection they had received from different vendors including DJ services. This couple was so distraught by the reaction they received from one DJ company that I could clearly see the hurt on their faces. It upset me so much that I went onto my website builder and changed the whole opening to my LGBT wedding and reception page. Because this couple could only afford so much, they are
planning their wedding and reception with out a wedding planner. I have been able to help by directing them to your site and a couple gay friendly vendor sites I work with. They have since been able to plan and coordinate their upcoming event scheduled for September 11, 2010 in a much more comfortable manner. We feel so honored that they have invited us to their wedding ceremony
as well as booked us for their entertainment.

I am seeing more gay friendly vendors putting themselves out there but few are advertising LGBT on their sites. This is very true of DJ services in our area. I research a lot and so far I am one of the only DJ company's advertising to both the LGBT and Heterosexual communities on its website in the DC metroregion. I admit my site is not the best since I am still learning website design. So far the results are mixed in the heterosexual community but positive in the LGBT community. I am fairly sure I have lost 2 straight receptions
recently due to my website content. I guess that makes sense. It bothers me a little since I consider myself a nice individual. None the less I am happy we are talking the talk and walking the walk. As the wedding market explodes here it will be interesting to see how wedding vendors react.

I hope you don't mind that I have added a link to your site from my LGBT page highly recommending my LGBT website visitors and others as well to visit your site.

How to Lose $30,000 in 30 Seconds

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I spoke with two brides planning their gay wedding last week who already have a venue picked out but not booked. They called me because they were a little concerned.

So, I went to the venue's website and the first sentence of the first paragraph on the weddings page is, "Toast the Bride and the Groom from the terrace with its view of the surrounding hills."

But can we toast just the brides?
Or can we toast just the grooms?

That's what this lesbian couple called me to find out. Is this a gay-friendly venue? They'd have to come out to the venue and ask that question themselves. What if these two were nervous about calling and asking and coming out? That's not unusual.

Is this venue willing to risk losing $30,000 on food and beverage rather than make the photos and language on their website inclusive? Are you?

Comments

Danielle commented on 26-May-2010 02:21 PM

My partner and I ran into this issue at Cranes Estate wedding expo in Mass. So much literature that was NOT inclusive. Looks like we'll be renting a house on the beach, doing things our way :)

Bernadette Coveney commented on 26-May-2010 09:37 PM

Danielle, it's kind of appalling isn't it, especially somewhere gay marriage has been legal for 6 years. On a positive note, I love weddings in private homes. You may be interested in post I wrote about that: http://14stories.com/_blog/Weddings_Redefined/post/Gay_Weddings_in_Private_Homes/

elizabeth commented on 26-May-2010 11:33 PM

your right Bernadette,
but its a little bit of retraining
our site was about to go live with the saying
"a bride and groom should not live in a hard drive"
it was really easy to make the change to brides and grooms should....
now i need some pictures to accompany the words
thanks for your perspective
elizabeth

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Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Question: How Should I Handle Another Vendor That Refuses to Work on My Client's Same-Sex Wedding?

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Post a Comment

Question: How Do I Find Officiants Who Perform Gay Weddings to Recommend to My Clients?

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Post a Comment

The Industries Interconnected with Gay Weddings

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Post a Comment

Announcing Summer Dates for the GWI Certificate Course

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Post a Comment

Introducing the GWI Course Grads

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Post a Comment

"Love is Love is Love"

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Post a Comment

What's the Difference Between a Straight and a Gay Wedding?

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Post a Comment

An Engage! Recap from the Point of View from the First Gay Wedding Planner

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Tip for Wedding Planners who Want to Plan Gay Weddings: Vendor Screening

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How to Lose $30,000 in 30 Seconds

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