Gay Weddings are Good for Business

I talked last week about how and why I had to create gender neutral restroom signs...you can see below what we did.

This sign was outside the first floor restrooms which were gendered.  They referred those who wanted a unisex restroom the ones upstairs.  Everyone was happy. Easy as pie...

The next two weekends, I have two weddings which will each have a sizable number of transgender guests. I'm in the process of creating signage for a few restrooms that say, All Genders (in one instance) and Unisex (in the other). 

Here's why:

• Non-trans individuals frequently feel the need to "police" restrooms if they see someone who may be, for example, a very butch woman who may look like a man, in the women's room. This isn't a wedding situation but happens in general. 
• Non-trans guests are less likely to do a double-take at someone's gender presentation if they are in a neutral restroom. 
• Some people feel neither male nor female, but rather somewhere in between - and would prefer a space where they don't have to choose a gendered restroom.

You may encounter a similar situation or client request. Roll with it and make the signs. It's not a big deal and may make your clients and their guests more comfortable.

I get this question all the time, "What's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?"  The last person to ask was sweetheart Colin Cowie, whom I met last week at Engage!

I'd be out of business if I couldn't answer it.  It's the reason there's demand for a gay wedding producer.  Here's a short list of differences:

• 50% of the country is opposed to gay marriage and many in the wedding industry do not support it either - couples face discrimination.
• And it's perfectly legal to discriminate against LGBT couples in 28 U.S. states (i.e. a vendor can say, "I don't want to work with you.")
• Who do you think fills the role of the "bride" during a wedding processional, when there are two brides or two grooms?  We typically avoid anyone assuming this role by having the couple process together, hand-in-hand, or down two aisles simultaneously...
• What do lesbian brides wear?
• What do you call an engaged lesbian who doesn't feel like a "bride?"

Just a little food for thought...the list goes on.  How do you answer this question?

You may have noticed that the Obama administration recently made a high profile transgender appointment.  It's a giant leap forward for transgender visibility in Washington, DC.  That article I linked to, incidentally, was written by a client of mine, Joanne Herman, author of the book Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not. I highly recommend her articles and book for no-nonsense, no jargon explanations.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Gender Expression: External manifestation of one’s gender identity, expressed through “masculine,” “feminine” or gender-variant behavior, clothing, haircut, voice or body characteristics. Usually, transgender people want their gender expression match their gender identity, rather than their birth-assigned sex.

You may work with some clients whose gender expression defies what you are used to.  You may encounter some women who dress like men (maybe some of your bridegrooms) and some men who dress like women.  This is their gender expression.  

Gay Wedding Glossary

LGBT(Q): An acronym meaning lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer.  Sometimes seen as LGBT, LGB, GLBT or other variations.

Gay Wedding Glossary

Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS): Refers to surgical alteration of genitals by transgender individuals, and is only one small part of transition from male to female or vice versa. Preferred term to “sex change operation.” Not all transgender people choose to or can afford to have SRS - it is a very expensive process that is not covered by insurance.

If you have a transgender client, do not ask him or her about surgery!  He or she will volunteer it if inclined.  

Gay Wedding Glossary

Transsexual: An older term which originated in the medical and psychological communities, which has been replaced by the term transgender.  You should not use this term.

Gay Wedding Glossary

MTF: A transgender person who was born male but lives as a female and may or may not have had sex-reassignment surgery.  You should use female pronouns with this person and never ask about her former name or former life as a man.  This client will want to wear female clothing at his wedding.  This client may be marrying a man or a woman.  

Gay Wedding Glossary

Cross-Dressing: To occasionally wear clothes traditionally associated with people of the other sex. Cross-dressers are usually comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth and do not wish to change it. Cross-dresser should NOT be used to describe someone who has transitioned to live full-time as the other sex or who intends to do so in the future. Cross-dressing is a form of gender expression and is not necessarily tied to erotic activity, nor is it indicative of sexual orientation.