Gay Weddings are Good for Business

A few weeks ago, the Huffington Post invited me to be a new blogger on their site, which now has a weddings section.  I eagerly jumped at the opportunity and my first post appeared today!  I wrote about "what's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?" because I'm literally asked that question all the time.  

Check out my thoughts on their site (and please leave a comment at the bottom of the post).

I read this yesterday on a blog: "my hometown Chicago, Illinois was approved for same sex marriages." 

The thing I want to clear up is that Illinois (and Hawaii and Delaware and New Jersey) actually wasn't approved for same-sex marriages.  Not at all. They approved civil unions.

Civil unions are great.  They are progress towards equal rights and protections for same-sex couples.  They have been around since 2000 when Vermont first created the institution of civil unions.  The thing about civil unions, though, is that they are a state law, meaning no access to the 1000+ federal benefits (ie. social security) that come with marriage.  They are essentially the same thing as statewide domestic partnership coverage, which is what states like California and Washington offer.  But they are a made-up term because politicians are afraid of using the term marriage, which many Americans are sensitive about and perceive as a religious institution.

In the UK and Ireland, there is a civil partnership law which offers all the rights of marriage.  Civil partnership is different from civil unions in one critical way:  it's a federal law with federal rights.  That means that it's not a county by county decision over there.  Civil partnership is still a made up term because politicians are afraid of using the term marriage - but the rights are federally issued.

Same-sex couples appreciate civil unions.  But they also know that they are a cop-out, made-up term and many hold out for the real deal:  marriage.  So will your business see a spike if you promote your services for couples seeking a civil union?  Absolutely.  Will the spike be as great as it would be if your state legalized marriage?  Absolutely not.

I blogged awhile back about how wedding planners who work with same-sex couples must be their advocates.  It's true and there's perfect proof in the case of wedding planner Kate Parker, based in New Hampshire, who is working with two grooms marrying this weekend.  Gay marriage is legal in New Hampshire and the state also prohibits discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

A few things have come up with these guys:

1) They wanted to be married in an Episcopal church.  Episcopal churches only marry same-sex couples in one place in the United States, Eastern Massachusetts.  So the grooms had to find another officiant.

2) One of the grooms "came out" to his family via his wedding invitation.  Some family members had previously not known he was gay.

3) They wanted to run a wedding announcement in the local paper and were denied because the paper doesn't run same-sex wedding announcements.

4) One of the grooms is from Venezuela and can't get a green card through this marriage because of DOMA.

One wedding, four big issues that Kate and her team had to deal with, none of which would ever come up with a straight wedding.  So yes, planning a gay wedding is different and if you are a planner (or a venue, or caterer) and want to reach this market, you must be prepared to understand these issues and be your client's advocate.

Have you had any similar experiences when working with same-sex couples?

Proposition 8 was the ballot initiative in California in which voters voted to ban same-sex marriage, 5.5 months after it first began in the state in 2008.  18,000 same-sex couples were married in those 5.5 months.  There's been a highly publicized challenge to this voter referendum and that challenge was ruled on today, overturning the vote.

What does the California's judge's ruling against Proposition 8 mean for your wedding business?

Right now, it doesn't mean anything.  To be honest, while this is a big victory, this ruling will be appealed and the case is very likely to end up at the U.S. Supreme Court.  A year or two before there's any final decision and even then, marriage equality victory is not guaranteed. This CNN article explains the next steps for Proposition 8.

I'm just being realistic.  In the meantime, there are lots of things you can do to prepare your business:

• start volunteering for Equality California or whichever marriage equality organization exists in your state
• neutralize the language on your website, marketing materials and contract materials
• identify images and graphics which are less obviously bride-and-groom for your marketing materials
• familiarize yourself with some gay wedding traditions
• attend one of my upcoming workshops

Though not directly related to gay marriage or gay weddings, President Obama's mandate this week provides a significant right to partners of gays and lesbians....read on....

In the U.S.:

• President Obama issued a mandate which requires hospitals to extend visitation and decision-making rights to the partners of gay men and lesbians.  This right is something all straight married couples have, but because of DOMA, has been denied same-sex couples.  This mandate is a REALLY big deal!  
• Social Security benefits are still not offered to same sex-couples, however, and there was a protest to this effect last week in LA.  This kicks off a national campaign challenging this policy.
• A new proposition to overturn Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriage in California (though a ballot initiative), failed to get enough support to appear on the 2010 ballot.  Another attempt will be made in 2012 and there's still an active legal challenge to Proposition 8.

Iowa celebrated one year of gay marriage this week.  Read more on that story and some other gay marriage and wedding highlights from around the world.

In the U.S.

• New Jersey lawmakers are attempting to stop a court from hearing a case challenging existing civil unions as separate and unequal.  That case is the latest attempt to pave the way for gay marriage in New Jersey.
• Iowa's had gay marriage now for one year and the sky has not fallen.  As of the end of 2009, 1773 same-sex couples married, with over 1000 from non-Iowa residents.  Illinois alone had 172 same-sex couples marry in Iowa, followed by Missouri, Nebraska and Minnesota.  Despite opposition by Republican gubernatorial candidates, same-sex marriage appears secure in Iowa for the time being.
• The majority of Californians recently polled now support same-sex marriage.  California had gay marriage for six months before its repeal after a ballot initiative in 2008.

Gay divorce?  Unthinkable!  But as goes gay marriage so goes gay divorce.  There were some interesting bits of news this week regarding gay divorce.  Let's check it out:

News Across the U.S.

• Marriage equality activists in Maryland are reluctant to push for full legal marriage, despite the Attorney General's declaration that the state recognize gay marriages performed elsewhere.  Activists are worried that the timing isn't right and any attempt to push for gay marriage will backfire and lead to an outright ban.
• An attempted impeachment of that same Attorney General of Maryland (on the grounds that he was neglectful in his decision) failed this week.
• Gay marriage has been legal in Iowa for a year now and there's very little support for its ban.
• D.C. has seen a massive spike in marriage applications since gay marriage became legal there.  D.C. has the highest percentage of gay couples in the country.  This month there were 1100 marriage applications, about six times the norm.
• The U.S. Census was due this week.  This is the first year that gay couples will be counted.  Although the Census does not specifically ask if one is gay or lesbian, you can designate yourself as married if you consider yourself as such (even if you're not legally married.)
• A retired Presbyterian minister who lives in California faces the church court because she performed some gay marriage ceremonies.
• In Pennsylvania, a state which does recognize gay marriage and where it's not legal, a court ruled that a lesbian couple married in Massachusetts cannot divorce in Pennsylvania. One of these spouses will need to establish residency in Massachusetts in order to officially divorce.  This situation is a side-effect of the Defense of Marriage Act.
• The opposite situation happened in Texas this week, with a couple married in Massachusetts, allowed to divorce in Texas.  How can same-sex divorce be legal in Texas when marriage is not?  That is the question of the hour and this case is likely to reach the Texas Supreme Court.

There wasn't too much excitement this week in the world of gay marriage except for a couple of postponements in critical rulings regarding gay marriage in Italy and Malawi.  What's happening in your neck of the woods?

Local news:

• Once again a DC Senator is trying to ban gay marriage, this time by tacking on an amendment to the recent health care law.  Gay marriage has been in effect in DC for several weeks now
• In California, the court challenge to Proposition 8 is stalled because the marriage equality supporters don't want to give up campaign paperwork to the opponents of marriage equality.
• At least 25% of the couples applying for marriage licenses in DC are from Maryland, the neighboring state whose Attorney General just agreed to recognize these legal marriages.

And around the world:

• The President of Portugal sent the gay marriage bill that came to his desk over to the Constitutional Court for review, claiming that he doubts its constitutionality.  Portugal's Parliament approved the bill last month.

Happy Friday and welcome to the weekly gay marriage news roundup.  This week had some interesting developments. I'm particularly interested to see what happens with gay divorce in Texas.  Here we go!

This is the week that gay marriage began in the nation's capital.  Truly a historic day.  Let's start with that and explore the other gay marriage and wedding news of the week!