Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Question:  When I first receive communication from a potential client they do not initially specify that they are an LGBT couple. On some occasions it is not even mentioned, until after a relationship is established. During our phone call I normally get a "feeling" because there is something mysterious about our conversation.  Why would a LGBT couple not come out when they first call or email?  Do you have a suggestion on how I can encourage them to be open from the beginning?

Answer:  Great question. I advise LGBT couples to come out right away when calling vendors so they get a sense right away whether they are dealing with someone supportive or not. That said, plenty of couples are too nervous to do so and afraid of rejection. As a wedding planner, your job is not to assume either way and when you do find out that it's a same-sex couple, be super cool and supportive in a genuine, authentic way. If you can create marketing materials that are inclusive, you will automatically set the right kind of open atmosphere they'll feel more comfortable in.  

Additionally, you'll have to start coming out on their behalf when you refer them to vendors.  Don't let the client call directly and don't assume that your typical vendor list is all gay-friendly so you can avoid a potentially homophobic situation entirely. Make sure you verify supportiveness by specifically asking yourself - and only partner your clients with those who are completely on board.  If someone that you refer your client to ends up being unsupportive, then you will look terrible!

Do you have any burning questions for me? Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

We’ve all had booths at wedding expos in the past. And most wedding expos are targeted to straight couples but there are a few things you should keep in mind in the event that LGBT couples pass through these mainstream wedding expos.  They will come!  Slowly at first, but they'll be there!

1. When you see two women together, they may actually be getting married to each other! It’s true that one may be the bride and the other may be the MOH or a bridesmaid, but don’t make any assumptions either way. Don’t ask, “who’s the bride?” or “which one of you is getting married.” Follow the lead of the women – don’t make any assumptions. 

2. Similarly, when you see two men together, don’t ask, “where’s the bride?” 

3. If you have a form that you want couples to fill out for a raffle or for additional information, don’t say “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” – just say “name” or “bride/groom.” 

4. To the best of your ability showcase your work that is most neutral in tone. That means using photos that are detail shots, long shots and shots of a bride alone or a groom alone. The more images you have of a bride and groom together, the more put-off a same-sex couple may feel. 

5. If you do encounter a same-sex couple, avoid terms such as “sexual preference”, “lifestyle”, “homosexual” and avoid stereotyping them. Believe it or not, I was told by a couple that someone at an expo asked them if one of the partners was the “bride” and one was the “groom” in the relationship. 

These tips, when followed properly, should in no way turn off your potential straight clients either. They are designed to fall under the radar where your potential straight clients don’t notice and your potential same-sex clients are much appreciative.

Question:  Should vendors specifically state in their marketing material that they are willing to work with gay couples or is inclusive language sufficient? What are some other ways they can be sure their marketing materials are inclusive? 

Answer: That is a business decision each vendor will have to make. Inclusive language is the minimum I'd recommend and if you are not afraid of potentially losing straight wedding business, then it would be great to have language and/or photos that specifically mentions same-sex weddings, civil unions or commitment ceremonies.

Go through all of your marketing materials and circle every instance of "bride" or "bride and groom" and replace those terms with "couple", "client", "brides and grooms" or something else that is non gender-specific. That is a good start to making your materials inclusive.

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

Question:  Do same-sex couples really care if the contracts say bride and groom or is "the wedding couple" truly preferred? 

Answer:  They care about making sure that the contract does not say "bride and groom." However, "wedding couple" isn't the most smooth alternative. How about just saying "client names" or "names"? But do not let your same-sex wedding client see a contract that says "bride and groom."

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

Question:  We donate 5% of each package sold to marriage equality groups, as a way of giving back to humanity. Another vendor said it's wrong to push our political agenda and donate to political causes. What are your thoughts?

Answer:  Whether or not you are being overtly political really depends on how you communicate this donation.  Donating 5% to charity in and of itself isn't pushing a political agenda.  You can do what you want with your own money.  However, if you not only make the donation but talk about it constantly, have it on your home page, have it on every page of your brochures, etc, it may be perceived as excessively political.  My business, 14 Stories, makes a donation to charity on first anniversaries but it's always mentioned softly.

Do you have any burning questions for me? Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

With any industry, it's important to know your market when defining your client base and establishing your marketing plan.  If you want to reach the lucrative gay and lesbian wedding market, knowing the needs of this market is no different.  But beyond the broad "gay and lesbian wedding market", there are a bunch of sub-groups.  For example:

• Older gay and lesbian couples will be attracted to a different set of images, a different style of website and different company values than a younger couple.
• Gay male couples will be attracted to different types of images and language than lesbian couples.
• and then there are sub-cultures within these groups (ie, leather bears) but I won't go into detail about that.

I've discussed at length the alternatives to using bride and groom on your contracts, forms, etc. This post isn't about contracts and forms but is instead about alternative terms in your marketing copy and collateral.  Let's look at some examples from real websites:

It is our pleasure to assist in creating memorable occasions with minimal effort for the bride and groom throughout both the planning process and the day of execution.

Substitute "the bride and groom" for "brides and grooms" or "the couple" or "the engaged couple"

Why is VENUE on every Georgia bride's "must see" list?

Substitute "bride's" for "couple"

Our large, well appointed Bridal Suite is included with booking your wedding package.

Substitute "Bridal Suite" for "Honeymoon Suite" or "Newlywed Suite"

The bridesmaids and groomsmen can be pampered, too.

Substitute "the bridesmaids and groomsmen" for "the wedding party" or "the attendants"

The perfect pick for a private, romantic ceremony just for the Bride and Groom.

Substitute "Bride and Groom" for "sweethearts", "brides and grooms" or "the couple"

Included in the package are a Bridal bouquet and Groom's Boutonniere'

Substitute "Bridal bouquet and Groom's Boutonniere" for "one bouquet and one boutonniere or two of each"

Whatever alternative terms you choose, be sure to update these materials or risk alienating a very lucrative potential market!

Gay weddings are good for business, and with the legislation legalizing gay marriage in New York, businesses all over the state are seeing dollar signs.  Almost every interview I give is about the projected financial windfall of the legalization of gay marriage.  But your business could just as easily fall flat so play attention to these five tips:

5.  Don't jump on some gay wedding promotional bandwagon.  History shows us in places like Washington, DC and Illinois that group wedding ceremonies and celebrations, and other non-custom wedding events fall flat.  There have been a number of group events, held right after the legalization of gay marriage or civil unions, that have been canceled or had disappointing turn-outs.  Simply put, a gay couple may have waited 40 years to get married - why would they do it at a group ceremony, or why would they celebrate with 500 strangers?

4.  Don't go crazy with rainbows.  I was talking to two grooms the other day who went to a cake tasting for their upcoming wedding and the bakery had a giant rainbow wedding cake with rainbow fondant and two broadly smiling grooms as toppers.  The grooms were so annoyed.  That stuff is just tacky so stay away!

3.  Don't advertise in non-wedding arenas, like bars, non-wedding print magazines or Pride activities.  Think about it - would you advertise your wedding services to straight couples in People magazine?  You must target areas where same-sex couples are, not LGBT singles!  Be specific, not broad!

2.  Do update all of your marketing materials to be inclusive.  I've said it time and again  - don't make a $50,000 mistake.

1.  Do be authentic.  Stick to your business plan and what has made your business successful so far.  Maintain the image you want for your brand.  If you have never participated in wedding expos before, then why do it now?  If you've never advertised on cheesy websites before, then why do it now?

Following these tips will help you get the right kind of same-sex couple to your business!  What are you planning to do when marketing to same-sex couples?

Yesterday was the first day same-sex couples could apply online for marriage licenses in New York City (to be then available for pick up on July 25).  Sounds great, except that the NYC Marriage Bureau failed to update the form on the website, attracting all sorts of negative media attention and frustration from couples.  The form was updated later in the day but originally had one section for "Bride" and another section for "Groom."

Check it out:


Make sure that your business contact form, contract, marketing materials etc, don't make the same mistake as the NYC Marriage Bureau!  You don't want to accidentally offend or put off potential clients...this could be a $50,000 mistake, literally!

Have you updated your materials yet?

This question came from a student in my workshop on civil unions in Chicago:


If all things were equal, then yes, most same-sex couples would prefer to keep their "pink dollars" in the community.

But very seldom are all things equal.  There are price considerations, personality fits, style and much more than go into any purchasing decision.  And ultimately, for most couples, price, personality, style and other considerations trump the sexuality of the business they hire.

Would they prefer to work with a gay owned business?  Sure.  Is it always possible?  No.  Just because a business is gay-owned doesn't mean that everything else is a good fit.  A same-sex couple would rather work with an extremely talented and very open-minded and accepting straight photographer than a gay photographer whose work is subpar, for example.

So, don't despair - just because you're straight doesn't mean you won't get a piece of the gay wedding business.  But if you do pass referrals, it is important to identify a list of gay-owned businesses that have talent, style and personality and would be a great fit for gay clients.