Gay Weddings are Good for Business

We’ve all had booths at wedding expos in the past. And most wedding expos are targeted to straight couples but there are a few things you should keep in mind in the event that LGBT couples pass through these mainstream wedding expos.  They will come!  Slowly at first, but they'll be there!

1. When you see two women together, they may actually be getting married to each other! It’s true that one may be the bride and the other may be the MOH or a bridesmaid, but don’t make any assumptions either way. Don’t ask, “who’s the bride?” or “which one of you is getting married.” Follow the lead of the women – don’t make any assumptions. 

2. Similarly, when you see two men together, don’t ask, “where’s the bride?” 

3. If you have a form that you want couples to fill out for a raffle or for additional information, don’t say “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” – just say “name” or “bride/groom.” 

4. To the best of your ability showcase your work that is most neutral in tone. That means using photos that are detail shots, long shots and shots of a bride alone or a groom alone. The more images you have of a bride and groom together, the more put-off a same-sex couple may feel. 

5. If you do encounter a same-sex couple, avoid terms such as “sexual preference”, “lifestyle”, “homosexual” and avoid stereotyping them. Believe it or not, I was told by a couple that someone at an expo asked them if one of the partners was the “bride” and one was the “groom” in the relationship. 

These tips, when followed properly, should in no way turn off your potential straight clients either. They are designed to fall under the radar where your potential straight clients don’t notice and your potential same-sex clients are much appreciative.

A few weeks ago, the Huffington Post invited me to be a new blogger on their site, which now has a weddings section.  I eagerly jumped at the opportunity and my first post appeared today!  I wrote about "what's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?" because I'm literally asked that question all the time.  

Check out my thoughts on their site (and please leave a comment at the bottom of the post).

Question:  Should vendors specifically state in their marketing material that they are willing to work with gay couples or is inclusive language sufficient? What are some other ways they can be sure their marketing materials are inclusive? 

Answer: That is a business decision each vendor will have to make. Inclusive language is the minimum I'd recommend and if you are not afraid of potentially losing straight wedding business, then it would be great to have language and/or photos that specifically mentions same-sex weddings, civil unions or commitment ceremonies.

Go through all of your marketing materials and circle every instance of "bride" or "bride and groom" and replace those terms with "couple", "client", "brides and grooms" or something else that is non gender-specific. That is a good start to making your materials inclusive.

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

Question:  Do same-sex couples really care if the contracts say bride and groom or is "the wedding couple" truly preferred? 

Answer:  They care about making sure that the contract does not say "bride and groom." However, "wedding couple" isn't the most smooth alternative. How about just saying "client names" or "names"? But do not let your same-sex wedding client see a contract that says "bride and groom."

Do you  have any burning questions for me?  Ask them here and I'll answer in an upcoming post!

I've discussed at length the alternatives to using bride and groom on your contracts, forms, etc. This post isn't about contracts and forms but is instead about alternative terms in your marketing copy and collateral.  Let's look at some examples from real websites:

It is our pleasure to assist in creating memorable occasions with minimal effort for the bride and groom throughout both the planning process and the day of execution.

Substitute "the bride and groom" for "brides and grooms" or "the couple" or "the engaged couple"

Why is VENUE on every Georgia bride's "must see" list?

Substitute "bride's" for "couple"

Our large, well appointed Bridal Suite is included with booking your wedding package.

Substitute "Bridal Suite" for "Honeymoon Suite" or "Newlywed Suite"

The bridesmaids and groomsmen can be pampered, too.

Substitute "the bridesmaids and groomsmen" for "the wedding party" or "the attendants"

The perfect pick for a private, romantic ceremony just for the Bride and Groom.

Substitute "Bride and Groom" for "sweethearts", "brides and grooms" or "the couple"

Included in the package are a Bridal bouquet and Groom's Boutonniere'

Substitute "Bridal bouquet and Groom's Boutonniere" for "one bouquet and one boutonniere or two of each"

Whatever alternative terms you choose, be sure to update these materials or risk alienating a very lucrative potential market!

I wanted to share some excerpts from Leanne's post over at SoYoureEnGAYged.com because it speaks very clearly to the the points I make during my presentations - specifically:  clean up your language and don't make assumptions!

"I started my internet-based wedding planning at the mothership, TheKnot.com. I went there because it seemed the thing to do, and because I had heard they featured gay weddings...I had sort of hoped for the best when we got to sign up as 'bride' and 'bride' on the login page.  I had to go through my super-over-due checklist and manually delete all the 'groom' stuff, even though I never signed up for a groom! I found more of the same on similar sites, and concluded...whether it be on one bride and one groom or two of each, they wanted to sell me the dream of the perfect wedding – the perfect bride(s), the perfect groom(s)...

I spoke with a coordinator at one site, who congratulated me on finding Mr. Right. I was met with a few extra beats of silence at another when I asked if they’d done same sex weddings before...And at David’s Bridal, when asked for my groom’s name and whether we’d be looking at tuxes, I responded, 'actually it’s two brides and no thank you on the tuxes' and the salesgirl froze and then nervously turned to her manager (I still get calls and postcards from the Men’s Warehouse via David’s asking if my husband has picked out a suit yet)...

I felt like it was unfair that I had to constantly come out to strangers, explain my relationship and our roles (Q: which one is the bride? A: Uh, both of us?)...every time I was asked for my groom’s name or had to correct their 'he’s' with 'she’s.'
I shifted my approach after that. I right off the bat asked vendors about their experiences with same-sex weddings, and I didn’t penalize them if they didn’t have any. Instead, I then asked about their position on marriage equality...

Some vendors didn’t email back...some simply said they didn’t have a stance on marriage equality, so I thanked them and hung up after telling them that I think they’d benefit from learning more about it and that I’d be taking my business to a vendor who supports it/me/us. And so many more than I expected responded with heartfelt support and a total endorsement of their belief in the importance of marriage equality. I could tell that for many of them, it wasn’t just about making a buck off the gays. It was truly about supporting love and marriage in all its forms, in allowing equality to grow and flourish. Unsurprisingly, those are the vendors we’re working with – the ones who are beyond cool about us being two brides...

When we went to register, I was ready for a battle when I had to cross out “groom” on all the paperwork and then was handed a tote bag with two beaming straight couples pasted onto the sides, but our registrant Linda gave us a hearty 'congratulations' and said she was so happy for us. She seemed genuine, even if she only wanted us to sign up for nice towels and a salad bowl. Our DJ simply congratulated us and started talking about music. Importantly, our vendors have all used gender-neutral/gender-inclusive language in their contracts. In doing so they have, intentionally or otherwise, joined us in our revolutionary act of love..."

Yesterday was the first day same-sex couples could apply online for marriage licenses in New York City (to be then available for pick up on July 25).  Sounds great, except that the NYC Marriage Bureau failed to update the form on the website, attracting all sorts of negative media attention and frustration from couples.  The form was updated later in the day but originally had one section for "Bride" and another section for "Groom."

Check it out:


Make sure that your business contact form, contract, marketing materials etc, don't make the same mistake as the NYC Marriage Bureau!  You don't want to accidentally offend or put off potential clients...this could be a $50,000 mistake, literally!

Have you updated your materials yet?

I've talked to a bunch of engaged and married same-sex couples, and LGBT individuals, this week and the overwhelming consensus is that they could care less about the royal wedding.  I watched it this morning out of a "professional obligation" and I love weddings.  It was fun but I was only slightly personally interested.

So what is it about the royal wedding that makes most same-sex couples indifferent?

If you think about it, the royal wedding is all about the fairytale.  The real life prince and princess on a metaphorical pedestal marrying for the whole world to see.  The royal wedding idealizes romance - traditional, heterosexual, romance - and there's not a thing wrong with that...

However, same-sex couples in most places around the world have no legal rights or access to the "fairytale."  In that very basic sense, the royal wedding is not relateable.  Plus, in same-sex weddings, there's no prince and princess (or even such a metaphor) and most of the time, the focus is not on the dress.  In fact, in 12% of lesbian weddings and in almost all gay male weddings, there's no dress at all.   And contrary to popular myth, many gay men don't care about women's fashion, let alone women's wedding gowns!

We've already established in a bunch of other blog posts how gay weddings are different and the overwhelming lack of interest in the royal wedding by LGBT couples validates that.  

But on the other hand, I've had dozens of lesbian brides and bridegrooms ask me how they can get a suit like what Ellen DeGeneres wore to her very relateable wedding...

Have you noticed interest in the royal wedding by LGBT couples or individuals?

   photo by Lara Porzak

I get asked this question all the time by wedding industry vendors: how do I market to gay and lesbian couples?

It's the #1 question I'm asked.

My answer is: start by including photos of gay and lesbian couples on your website and in your other marketing materials.  

Instead this photo to the left is what we normally get. (Photo by Teesside, UK)  Lots and lots of photos like that - a very attractive couple and they look lovely and happy and they should.

And I'm not saying that you shouldn't include such photos - but it would help your business to show greater diversity in your online portfolio and in your printed materials.  If you advertise on a gay wedding directory website or print ad, do not include a photo of a straight couple in your ad!

I try not to be a shameless self-promoter but I do think this is important.  I offer a class for those in the wedding industry looking to reach the LGBT marketplace.  

The next question I'm asked is: if I've never shot or worked a gay wedding, how do I get photos for my website?

Go through your portfolio and choose some shots of the bride or the groom alone;  choose some where the gender may be ambiguous; use ample detail shots and long shots - and for more ideas, look at the photos on this very website, www.GayWeddingInstitute.com.