Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Gay Wedding Myths

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, April 19, 2010

Thanks to Jennifer Ramirez-Jasiczek for her great question asking me to dispel some gay wedding myths. If you have any questions for me about gay weddings, gay wedding traditions, the business of gay wedding, marketing, etc, please feel free to ask me anything and I will answer here in the blog.

So, gay wedding myths....

Myth: a gay wedding is the same as a straight wedding, except with two partners of the same gender. Reality: gay weddings have their own traditions, their own family dynamics and their own personalities and require a different layer of knowledge and sensitivity.
Myth: gay men will want to dress in drag, wear a gown, wear makeup, carry a bouquet, and otherwise be non-masculine. Reality: I've never had a groom in a dress. It's rare and uncommon.
Myth: gay grooms won't need a wedding planner because they secretly want to be a wedding planner (or already are one). Reality: gay men are just as busy as the rest of us and many have no interest in wedding/event planning. I've planned many weddings for gay men.
Myth: lesbians are cheap and have bad taste and their weddings will be reflect that! Reality: lesbians want beautiful, elegant, and lavish weddings also. I've planned many of them!
Myth: in a lesbian marriage, one will assume a male and one will assume a female role and will dress accordingly at their wedding. Reality: 42% of lesbian weddings have two brides in two dresses and many relationships have no gender role dynamic.
Myth: two brides = two bridezillas! Reality: It's just not true. Lesbian brides have no greater tendency towards drama than her heterosexual counterpart.

What other stereotypes have you heard about gay weddings?

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Engagement Rings/Wedding Bands for Gay Couples

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, March 08, 2010

I had a great question the other day I wanted to answer here: Do gay couples wear wedding bands along with the engagement ring? For example, When two men marry will one of them wear an additional band to compliment the engagement ring?

In my observation, many men will only wear one ring, not two. In this case, often the engagement ring will double as a wedding band.

Younger lesbian brides (those under 40) are likelier to wear two rings. For example, my wife Jen, like many lesbians, wears her engagement ring and wedding band next to each other on the same finger. This is very common, and of course, traditional. My engagement ring doesn't have a stone (my choice) so my engagement ring is now on the ring finger of my right hand, and my wedding band is on the ring finger of my left hand.

I've noticed that gay and lesbian couples who are older and/or who've been together for a long time, already wear rings and in this case, usually substitute those rings with new wedding bands, forgoing an engagement ring altogether. These couples are also less likely to have had a traditional "pop the question" proposal experience, hence the lack of engagement rings.

Finally, I've never had a client wear a rainbow-themed or other overtly "gay" wedding ring. These are available but I've never noticed them to be popular, though I know there's a market for them.

What have you observed when working with gay and lesbian couples?

Comments

Jake commented on 22-May-2010 02:09 PM

Thank you for this, I am thinking of proposing to my boyfriend in the near future and I have been looking for rings and what not but I thought I should read up on diamonds and stuff like that.

I found this very helpful, thank you

The Gay Wedding Party

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, February 15, 2010

Best man. Best woman. Maid of honor. Attendant. Groomsman. Bridesmaid. Person of honor. Best person. Best people. Man of honor. Bestie.

Who are these people? You may hear any of these, something else, or nothing at all when you're working with gay and lesbian clients. For the purpose of writing and being gender neutral, I’ll be using the word “attendant.” But truthfully, I’ve heard all sorts of variations.

Keep in mind the following as you are working with a couple on their gay wedding:

Some couples won't have the same number of attendants on either side. It doesn’t have to be matchy-matchy. No symmetry required.
Some people are not comfortable with gender roles associated with wedding tasks
Many gay couples do not have children at their wedding
In many gay weddings, people other than the Best Man offer toasts
Many gay weddings don’t have bachelor parties or bridal showers
Many gay couples don’t ask their attendants to dance with one another.
Many gay couples don’t expect their female attendants to all wear the exact same dress, if they are even asked to wear a dress at all. For dresses, I’m a fan of designers like J Crew and Aria where you can match the fabric in a variety of dresses that flatter every figure.
There are often no formal introductions at a gay wedding, or if there are, it’s typically just the newlyweds.

Jen and I each had two girls on our sides, so four in total. The girls were in charge of invitations and activities at the bridal shower. They also threw us a bachelorette party but otherwise didn’t have a ton of responsibility. They were all asked to wear navy but had complete freedom in their outfit selection. They were not asked to give toasts. They were not asked to dance with one another.

In short, if you’re planning a gay wedding, there’s a good chance a couple might be asking a lot less of their attendants than their heterosexual counterparts. What have you seen in gay wedding parties? What have your clients called their attendants?

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What Does a Gay Groom Wear?

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, February 01, 2010

Certainly the grooms have it easier than the brides when it comes to choosing what to wear to their gay wedding. Here's what I've seen:

Two grooms in morning suits
Two grooms in tuxes
Two grooms in suits
One groom in a suit and one in a tartan
Two grooms in a shirt and tie

Not too many options... Most of my grooms buy their garments and if so, I generally send them to Brooks Brothers (a former client works at one) though some do rent their suits. One thing is clear: it's easier for a groom to buy a tux without coming out of the closet but you should still be prepared to help.

Here are some tips for helping your gay grooms:

Don't assume that they will wear one of the options stated above. You may encounter the occasional groom who will wear drag. Instead ask, "What are you wearing to your wedding?"
Identify gay-friendly or gay-owned tailors in your area.
Identify gay-friendly or gay-owned tux rental shops in your area.

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Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Gay Wedding Myths

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Engagement Rings/Wedding Bands for Gay Couples

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The Gay Wedding Party

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What Does a Gay Groom Wear?

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Gay Wedding Glossary: LGBTQ

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Gay Wedding Glossary: Chosen Family

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Gay Wedding Glossary: Sexual Orientation

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Gay Wedding Glossary: Attendants

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