Gay Weddings are Good for Business

With any industry, it's important to know your market when defining your client base and establishing your marketing plan.  If you want to reach the lucrative gay and lesbian wedding market, knowing the needs of this market is no different.  But beyond the broad "gay and lesbian wedding market", there are a bunch of sub-groups.  For example:

• Older gay and lesbian couples will be attracted to a different set of images, a different style of website and different company values than a younger couple.
• Gay male couples will be attracted to different types of images and language than lesbian couples.
• and then there are sub-cultures within these groups (ie, leather bears) but I won't go into detail about that.

I've been getting all kinds of calls from reporters wondering what I'm up to this week.  Surely I must be busy planning all sorts of weddings for July 25 or 26, right?  

Nope.  

Why?  The couples that are going to be marrying the first week or two or three that it's legal in New York are the couples that are not really having a wedding - or if they are, the wedding will come much later.  The first wave of couples are the couples who have been together for decades and just want to make it legal.  There will be thousands of couples who travel over from other states to have a small ceremony.  Maybe they will have a small dinner party with friends and family, or maybe they'll have a catered party in their backyard.  They might have cake and photography and they will all need officiants - but those first 120 days are, by and large, not the couples who hire wedding planners or plan bigger weddings.

The couples that are going to plan bigger weddings are going to start hiring all of us this fall when they get back from their summer vacations, are properly engaged and have settled into the idea of a wedding and thought about what they want.  They are mostly going to be planning for 2012 and beyond because the wedding of their dreams should not be rushed and planning takes time.  The New York economy is going to see its largest gay wedding related growth in 2012 and 2013, NOT in 2011.

The big weddings will come - and they will come and come - but in the first 120 days, the little ones will be just as important and just as meaningful and just as legal - and still very good for business.

I find myself often guilty of focusing so much on the wedding itself.  The photography, the linens and so forth.  Many of us probably do the same thing.  And even when I teach my peers about gay weddings, especially in the shorter presentations, I don't spend much time on the other businesses that are interconnected.  You probably see it with straight weddings but it's a little bit different for gay weddings.

My homework for you is to identify:

• an attorney who specializes in estate planning and is familiar with the unique needs of same-sex couples
• an attorney who can do second parent adoption for same-sex families
• a gay realtor or a realtor who is familiar with gay-friendly areas and neighborhoods where families can comfortably raise children
• a gay mortgage broker or a mortgage broker who is familiar with any challenges/tax implications for same-sex couples
• a gay financial planner who is familiar with the unique investing challenges/tax implications for same-sex couples
• a gay travel agent or a travel agent who is familiar with which destinations are and are not gay-friendly

Since gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts seven years ago, I've been watching what happens in other states as it becomes legal there.  Here's what you should expect when gay marriage first becomes legal:

Same-sex marriage was just legalized in New York state by a narrow margin.  This makes New York the largest state in the U.S. with legal gay marriage (and the sixth state, plus D.C.).  There are approximately 42,600 same-sex couples in the state (though 20% are already legally married).

When gay marriage goes into effect in about a month, gay weddings are expected to boost the NY economy by $210 million in the next three years.  This is amazing news for the wedding industry!

Is your wedding business ready?

• Well, to start, make sure you don't accidentally turn off prospective couples by being heterosexist.  Take down references to "bride and groom" from your website and marketing materials and substitute "couples" or "brides and grooms", for example.
• Make sure your contracts don't say "bride and groom".
• Think about the difference between a straight and gay wedding!
• Understand the federal laws about gay marriage and how your clients can be affected
• Understand what to call a gay wedding

This question came from a student in my workshop on civil unions in Chicago:


If all things were equal, then yes, most same-sex couples would prefer to keep their "pink dollars" in the community.

But very seldom are all things equal.  There are price considerations, personality fits, style and much more than go into any purchasing decision.  And ultimately, for most couples, price, personality, style and other considerations trump the sexuality of the business they hire.

Would they prefer to work with a gay owned business?  Sure.  Is it always possible?  No.  Just because a business is gay-owned doesn't mean that everything else is a good fit.  A same-sex couple would rather work with an extremely talented and very open-minded and accepting straight photographer than a gay photographer whose work is subpar, for example.

So, don't despair - just because you're straight doesn't mean you won't get a piece of the gay wedding business.  But if you do pass referrals, it is important to identify a list of gay-owned businesses that have talent, style and personality and would be a great fit for gay clients.

Gay tourism is big business as Massachusetts and Philadelphia have found out.  Check out this list of the most popular U.S. destinations for gay tourists.  Isn't it interesting that from this list, only two cities have legal gay marriage (D.C. and Boston)?  If your city is on this list, you can expect an even bigger boom from gay weddings!

1. New York 
2. San Francisco 
3. Las Vegas 
4. Chicago 
5. Los Angeles / West Hollywood 
6. Washington, D.C. 
7. Fort Lauderdale 
8. Palm Springs, CA
9. Orlando 
10. San Diego
11. Boston
12. Miami
13. Philadelphia
14. New Orleans
15. Seattle

 Source: Community Marketing Inc.

Today, Governor Quinn of Illinois, signed a law legalizing civil unions.  This law will go into effect on June 1.

How will this change your business?

First of all, you need to decide whether or not you want to actively seek the civil union market.  This is a business decision, a marketing decision.  There are some people who believe that they will possibly lose business from more conservative straight clients if they proactively advertise or market their support of same-sex civil unions.  As a business owner, you need to decide whether or not you want to take that "risk."  If you would rather be passive, I respect that decision but if you want to be proactive, keep reading...

If you do want to proactively reach the civil union market, you  must first go through your website, marketing materials, contracts and forms and neutralize all language that implies there's one bride and one groom with bridesmaids and groomsmen.  You can do the same with photos.  You can also use the term "civil union" on your website, and say something along the lines of "Special Weddings can help with your wedding, civil union or party."

Then, you'll need to do some advertising and my top gay wedding directory suggestions are GayWeddings.com and SoYoureEnGAYged.com.

Then, you should do some heavy reading - and dig through old blog posts on this site www.GayWeddingInstitute.com and consider buying my book for couples!  My book just for you, vendors, will be out in the summer!

Are you hoping to work with any couples in Illinois planning civil unions?

There is a great article in today's New York Times about the business of gay weddings.  The article focuses on the founders of Equally Wed, the new same-sex wedding website which features articles, advice and a message board for engaged LGBT couples.  The founders of that site, like many other sites providing resources to same-sex couples, saw a need for resources that specifically understand the needs of same-sex couples.  That's why I started my gay wedding planning company 6.5 years ago and is why I'm the blogger on TheKnot.com's site for gay weddings, Gay.Weddings.com.

Equally Wed, Gay.Weddings.com and their counterparts, QueerlyWed.com, GayWeddings.com, RainbowWeddingNetwork.com and SoYoureEnGAYged.com also mentioned in the article are doing great things to respond to the unique (and yes they are unique) needs of those couples. 

Because I work closely with wedding industry vendors, in addition to couples, I am asked by vendors for advice on how to do the right thing.  Many well-meaning vendors assume the industry is integrated and that same-sex and opposite-sex couples experience the same trials and tribulations during their planning.  They assume that same-sex and opposite-sex couples appear side-by-side on wedding blogs, in magazines and in online wedding directories.  We're not there yet.  

But we're getting there.  The same-sex couples featured in Brides magazine and Martha Stewart will help.  But the reality is that there is still a need for a separate space for LGBT couples which is the reason for those sites.  

It's my company's mission to eliminate homophobia and heterosexism (the mostly accidental assumption that every couple is a bride and a groom) from the wedding industry.  That's a lofty goal.  But when it's all said and done, I care more about integration than segregation.  

I'd like to put myself out of business - but I need the help of those well-meaning vendors, Publishers and Editors.  We all have to do the right thing and stop making assumptions about the gender of the couple.  We all have to understand the unique needs of same-sex couples.  It's not just good for society but it's good for business. 

Community Marketing Inc has released the Top 25 US Destinations for American LGBT Travelers.  Note that from this list of 25 cities, only three are places where gay marriage is legal (Boston, Provincetown and Washington, DC).  Also note that some cities and states where gay marriage IS legal aren't on the list - hello Des Moines!  What about New Haven?!

If your wedding business covers any of these cities and markets, you should pay special attention to this blog to learn more about the needs and expectations of the lucrative same-sex wedding market.  If your city is on this list, when gay marriage becomes legal in your area, you can expect a large surge of new potential clients. Percentage is the amount who visited and spent the night in a hotel...

1) New York City: 32%
2) San Francisco: 27%
3) Las Vegas: 26%
4) Chicago: 25%
5) Los Angeles / West Hollywood: 24%
6) Washington, DC: 23%
7) Fort Lauderdale: 17%
8) San Diego: 15%
9) Orlando: 14%
9) Seattle: 14%
11) Boston: 13%
11) Philadelphia: 13%
13) Palm Springs 12%
13) Atlanta: 12%
13) Miami: 12%
16) Dallas: 11%
16) Denver: 11%
16) Phoenix/Tempe/Scottsdale: 11%
19) New Orleans: 10%
20) Napa County, CA: 9%
20) Provincetown, MA: 9%
20) Sonoma County, CA: 9%
23) Portland, OR 8%
23) Baltimore: 8%
23) Tampa/St. Pete: 8%

How does your city rank?