Gay Weddings are Good for Business

For some reason, I've had a lot of mean dads this year.  A bunch of my clients have dads who refused to go to - or really even acknowledge - their child (my client's) gay wedding.  I just got off the phone with a groom whose parents are coming to the wedding but whose partner's parents aren't coming.  

What do you say in such a situation?  If you're a planner, a photographer, venue owner or so forth - how do you show support? For me, it's pretty easy because I can relate.  My dad died before I came out to him and that's because I knew that I'd be essentially disowned.  I had some relatives (ahem, Aunt Theresa) who refused to come to my own same-sex wedding - and of course I've been through this with clients over and over again.

So what do you do if you can't directly relate?  Here are a few tips:

• Listen more than talk.  
• Follow their lead.  If the client is angry, you can express anger.  If the client is sad, you can express sadness/sympathy.  If the client wants to fix or solve the situation (if even possible), offer helpful suggestions.
• Examples of helpful suggestions: look up phone numbers of support groups or make suggestions of ways to involve parents and get them more excited.

 

I get this question all the time, "What's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?"  The last person to ask was sweetheart Colin Cowie, whom I met last week at Engage!

I'd be out of business if I couldn't answer it.  It's the reason there's demand for a gay wedding producer.  Here's a short list of differences:

• 50% of the country is opposed to gay marriage and many in the wedding industry do not support it either - couples face discrimination.
• And it's perfectly legal to discriminate against LGBT couples in 28 U.S. states (i.e. a vendor can say, "I don't want to work with you.")
• Who do you think fills the role of the "bride" during a wedding processional, when there are two brides or two grooms?  We typically avoid anyone assuming this role by having the couple process together, hand-in-hand, or down two aisles simultaneously...
• What do lesbian brides wear?
• What do you call an engaged lesbian who doesn't feel like a "bride?"

Just a little food for thought...the list goes on.  How do you answer this question?

I wanted to tell you that my wife, Jen Coveney-Smith is pregnant.  She's due in October.  It's a blessing and we're very excited to bring a baby into our already pretty awesome lives.

I thought it would be good to take this opportunity to answer any questions you may have about how same-sex couples start families.  I've had a bunch of clients with kids and many more planning to start families.  If you are working with same-sex couples on their gay wedding plans, you may be very curious about where the kids will come from - but be sure to satisfy your curiosity by asking your questions delicately and using open ended sentences. 

Here's our story:
Last fall we went to an open house on lesbian reproduction at a local health center.  We learned about our options for pregnancy and decided that Jen was going to carry the baby and the sperm would come from an anonymous donor from a sperm bank.  Jen's 34 and will be 35 in August.  We looked through the donor databases at a few different places, noting things like eye and hair color, height, weight, education, favorite tv show, favorite childhood memories and so on.  There's even one bank that tells you the donor's celebrity lookalike - very cool.  

We chose a donor who we both crushed on.  We don't know his celebrity lookalike but his profile sounded perfect to us.  And after the age of 18, the kid could even get to the contact the donor.  Not all donors consent to that but we thought that was a cool option if our kid someday felt so inclined.  

Our first insemination was on January 2 and the procedure took about 10 seconds in the doctor's office.  It's really quick and painless (according to Jen).  We were in New Orleans for The Special Event Show when Jen took a home pregnancy test, which proved to be negative.  We tried again on January 31.  On February 13, Jen had a positive pregnancy test!  She got pregnant on the second try which is pretty unbelievable for any couple, straight or gay.

We've since seen the baby's heartbeat a few times and it's really pretty cool what's going on inside her body.  We've both been kind of freaked out - Jen's freaked out by all the craziness that her body's doing; and planner that I am, I'm obsessed with space-saving strategies to fit a baby into our small 2BR condo!

But life is good.  That's just our story.   I've worked with both male and female couples on their own journey towards parenthood and by now, I'm pretty familiar with just about every available option to us so if you have any questions about either our situation or what other couples may choose, please leave it in the comments and I'm happy to answer.

When I speak to vendors about gay weddings, one of the things I emphasize is that you can't assume that the couple has the support of their family.  I've literally had brides in tears in the dressing room because their mother wasn't there because she didn't support the marriage.