Gay Weddings are Good for Business

When should you use the word "queer" when it comes to your same-sex wedding clients?

Almost never.

I was emailing with the owner of a DJ company today and he mentioned that he has a new DJ on the roster, and that she is a "well known DJ on Boston's queer nightlife scene".

This particular DJ may herself identify as queer, but the owner of the company is straight and he should not have used that term, even if he means no harm.  There was a time not long ago when queer was exclusively a derogatory, hateful term.  Now some (mostly younger) members of the LGBT community have re-claimed it and use it as basically a synonym for LGBT.

If the owner of the DJ company had been emailing with a same-sex couple in their mid-30s and up, there's a very good chance that couple would have been offended.  Not a great way to start a business relationship, even if you don't mean to offend...in fact, 59% of gay men and 41% of lesbians find the term offensive.

So why, "almost never"?  Well, some people just feel queer.  It's the label that fits best.  And if they tell you that, then you can call that person or couple queer but please don't use it with anyone else!

I'm almost never offended, so we talked about it and moved on.  Have you ever accidentally offended a same-sex couple?