A funny thing has happened since I moved to New York City last week. About three or four different people have asked specific, pointed questions about how Jen and I had our son. I felt like a bit of a novelty and it's interesting to note that there are SO MANY gay families in Massachusetts (where we moved from), because to many of them, kids are the next step after marriage. And equal marriage rights have been available for 7 years.
Although babies are very much the norm for same-sex families in Massachusetts, I predict that as New Yorkers enjoy equal marriage, many more will see having kids as the next logical step. Certainly there are plenty of same-sex families with kids in NY currently, but that number will grow exponentially.
Anyway, some people asked me questions more gracefully than others. Of course I don't care about gracefulness if there's an opportunity to educate. As you encounter same-sex couples and have some burning questions of your own, consider these Dos and Don't on the issue of creating family:
Don't Ask:
- How does it work?
- Does one of you take the mom role and one of you take the dad role?
- How do guys do it?
- Where do you get the sperm/eggs? Whose eggs/sperm did you use?
- Are you still in touch with the egg/sperm donor?
- Are you both going to be the parents?
- How much did you pay for your babies?
- How long have you had them?
- Isn't it harder on them to have gay parents?
Do Ask:
- Are you planning to have kids?
- and you can ask sensitive follow up questions (avoiding the questions above) once they have answered that one...
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