Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Research, data, advice and tips on the business of same-sex weddings from Bernadette Coveney Smith, the nation's leading gay wedding expert. In 2004, Bernadette opened 14 Stories, the first company in the U.S. to specialize in planning same-sex weddings.

Updating Your Contracts and Forms to be Gender-Neutral

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, September 27, 2010
I get this question so often I can't believe I haven't blogged on the subject yet! I heard from a wedding photographer today who accidentally insulted her same-sex couple by sending them a form to fill out that had fields such as "Bride's Name", "Groom's Name" and used the terms "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen."  

Fortunately, I know this photographer personally and she's very nice and non-homophobic, simply heterosexist.  She did not lose the client, but was embarrassed to find herself in this situation and came to me for advice.

So, what would you use instead of "bride's name" and "groom's name" on contracts and forms?  
  • Party A, Party B
  • Client Name, Client Name
  • Client A, Client B
  • Partner A, Partner B
  • Bride/Groom, Bride/Groom
  • Client Name, Client Name
  • Name, Name
Obviously none of these options are sexy but they are safe and non-offensive.  Your straight clients won't notice or care.  

What terms did you use?


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K. Crafton commented on 27-Sep-2010 04:08 PM
THANK YOU for posting that! I've used the same form for years (which came from another photographer friend) and need to go back and change it to non-offensive terms.
Laura commented on 28-Sep-2010 02:47 PM
I use an online studio management service called ShootQ, it automatically generates contracts so I have one for hetero couples, one for women, and one for men. I felt like finding "groom & groom" or "bride & bride" on the contract might feel more personal.
Cathy O'Connell commented on 28-Sep-2010 02:57 PM
As a wedding planner doing a lot of work in CA where we pray gay weddings will soon be reinstated I use Party A and Party B as that's what is now on the marriage license application. They changed it 2 years ago and never changed it back! Straight couples don't care at all.
Bernadette Coveney commented on 30-Sep-2010 10:40 AM
Laura,
That's good to know about ShootQ - I was told by other photographers that it could only be set for one bride and one groom.

I do agree that bride and groom are more personal than Party A and Party B (definitely) though some lesbian brides would prefer not to be called brides at all (see my post called The Lesbian Bridegroom). I don't mean to complicate things further or get PC, but the safest strategy all around is one of the options suggested above.
Bethel - Ceremonies by Bethel commented on 24-Mar-2011 03:41 PM
Thank you so much for talking about this and being clear about it! None of us want to feel uncomfortable about it, or unintentionally insult our great couples. And that was a great way of putting it - I expect that most of us are just heterosexist, and
aren't sure the best way to put it. I made a point to have all separate forms for my same sex couples, and I use "Partner 1 and Partner 2." I'm in CA, where we're still forced to wait and wait some more before we can get back to marrying everyone the way we
want. So, I have hesitated to use Bride/Groom, as it's not currently a legal undertaking here. Plus, like you mentioned, not everyone wants to see themselves as a bride or groom, so I felt that partner was more comfortable to everyone... Thanks for all of
the wonderful education and open conversation!
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Bernadette to Speak at Engage! The Breakers

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, September 27, 2010
This Sunday I'm flying down to West Palm Beach, Florida, to speak at Engage! The Breakers.  My session, called "The Emerging Gay and Lesbian Wedding Market" will be co-facilitated with Kate Parker.  

A year ago, Kate and I collaborated to ensure that her new venture, www.MyKateParkerWedding.com was completely gender-neutral and non-heterosexist. We'll be talking about that process as well as the differences between straight and gay weddings.

I attended Engage! Cayman earlier this year and blogged about my experience.  I met such fantastic people and really enjoyed hearing stories from vendors around the country about their experiences (or lack thereof) with same-sex weddings.  This time, I get to take things to the next level and do some real education - and I can't wait!  I hope to see you there.

Please contact me if you'd like me to lead a workshop on same-sex weddings in your area.

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States that Offer Some Benefits to Same-Sex Couples

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Separate But Unequal, redux: Civil Unions or Domestic Partnerships, but no Marriage

These are the U.S. states which have some sort of protection for same-sex couples but not full marriage.

  • Colorado (constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage)
  • Maryland (no constitutional amendment, but law prohibits same-sex marriage)
  • Nevada (constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage)
  • Oregon (constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage)
  • Washington (constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage)
  • Wisconsin (constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage)
Is your state on this list?  If so, you may see more commitment ceremonies and should get ready to reach the LGBT market.



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The Gender Neutral Restroom Sign

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, September 08, 2010
I talked last week about how and why I had to create gender neutral restroom signs...you can see below what we did.

This sign was outside the first floor restrooms which were gendered.  They referred those who wanted a unisex restroom the ones upstairs.  Everyone was happy. Easy as pie...


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Gender Neutral Restroom Signs

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, September 02, 2010
The next two weekends, I have two weddings which will each have a sizable number of transgender guests. I'm in the process of creating signage for a few restrooms that say, All Genders (in one instance) and Unisex (in the other). 

Here's why:
  • Non-trans individuals frequently feel the need to "police" restrooms if they see someone who may be, for example, a very butch woman who may look like a man, in the women's room. This isn't a wedding situation but happens in general. 
  • Non-trans guests are less likely to do a double-take at someone's gender presentation if they are in a neutral restroom. 
  • Some people feel neither male nor female, but rather somewhere in between - and would prefer a space where they don't have to choose a gendered restroom.
You may encounter a similar situation or client request. Roll with it and make the signs. It's not a big deal and may make your clients and their guests more comfortable.

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Laura commented on 02-Sep-2010 08:34 PM
Love this post! Perfectly thoughtful for those who so rarely encounter it in this situation.
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