Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Marketing to Same-Sex Couples at Wedding Expos

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I've been getting this question from vendors a lot, especially as gay marriage came to D.C. recently and as a gay wedding expo is scheduled for Massachusetts: is it worth my time and money to sign up for a booth at a "gay wedding expo" or other gay wedding show?

It's a great question that comes down to more of a fundamental marketing strategy. Ask yourself these questions:

Who is my target market?
Are they male or female?
What wedding budget do you typically work with?

Two Bright Lights recently released data which indicated that wedding expos/shows don't generate many bookings and don't generate them often. In fact, compared to other forms of advertising (print ads, google, other online listings etc), they're pretty much a waste of money.

So why would gay wedding expos be any different? They're not, really.

I used to have booths at expos and with a one-off exception, gave it up 3+ years ago. The mostly female couples who attend (and trickle in, let's be honest) aren't often there to commit to a purchase. They are not typically affluent couples, so if you are a wedding planner seeking to reach an affluent couple who can afford your services, wedding shows in general and gay wedding shows, specifically, are not the place to find them.

My advice is to skip the shows and choose a different marketing strategy to reach same-sex couples. What did you decide and how was your experience?

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Being Open-Minded to Subcultures Within the LGBT Community

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, June 21, 2010

A few weeks ago, I was at a networking event catching up with a wedding planner who had gone through my training for wedding pros. She was telling me about her first gay wedding client and how, through my training, she was able to be sensitive to their unique needs. And unique they were....

The planner mentioned that I never said anything in my training about a trio.

And I'm not talking about a string or a jazz trio.

I did talk in my training about how it's important to be completely open to subcultures within the LGBT community - and I used the example of leather bears for whom I produced a bear-themed wedding. This particular couple mentioned that there would be some trios at the wedding. They were referring to not a couple, but a threesome, and not just a sexual threesome but a relationship trio. Not a couple but a trio, all committed to each other.

At first this planner was thrown off but she rolled with it and it's all good. And that's what you have to do...there are too many subcultures for me to get into, but the key is to be open minded and have a laid back approach if you really want to work with same-sex couples.

What's the most outrageous comment you've ever heard from a same-sex couple?

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"Love is Love is Love"

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm an AmeriCorps alum and our slogan is "putting idealism to work." I think being a producer of gay weddings and an educator about gay weddings is a pretty idealistic career.

I love meeting wedding vendors who say to me, "I'm so supportive of gay marriage. There's no difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding. Love is love is love!"

It's very sweet. And it's very idealistic. And then I hear stories like the one I heard from Lacy Branch in St. Louis where she got a call from a same-sex couple and she was the only planner in her area who would talk to them. And the story from Kelly Karli in Vail who received a call from a guy almost embarrassed to tell her that he wants to go in drag on his wedding day. And these stories are part of the reasons gay weddings are different.

Of course when I was 27 and my company was brand new, I was ultra-idealistic and while I still have a good solid sense of that idealism, the reality of spending six years working with couples seeking acceptance and equality changes that. I'd love to put myself out of business someday. But until then, it's important to remind yourself that gay weddings are different.

Just ask any same-sex couple living in one of the 45 states where their relationship is not recognized.

If you're a wedding vendor who believes that "love is love is love" and you still have photos of straight couples plastered all over your site with the phrase "bride and groom" everywhere, then please start walking the talk.

Comments

Sally commented on 15-Jun-2010 10:24 AM

For vendors serving gay and hetero markets, what's the best way to balance both worlds and not be too offensive to either group? Should all references to brides and grooms (in any combination) be replaced with "spouse" or a similar generic term?

Bernadette Coveney commented on 15-Jun-2010 10:27 AM

Excellent question. You can balance both by saying "brides and grooms", "couple", "client", "newlyweds" or yes, any other generic term, or no term at all.

Alexandra Jusino commented on 15-Jun-2010 10:57 AM

Forty five states that don't recognize gay marriages? I didn't realize there were still that many? And sadly Illinois is one of them. It seems like we've moved forward but it just feels like we still have a LONG LONG LONG way to go. Good Post Bernadette!

What's the Difference Between a Straight and a Gay Wedding?

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, June 14, 2010

I get this question all the time, "What's the difference between a straight and a gay wedding?" The last person to ask was sweetheart Colin Cowie, whom I met last week at Engage!

I'd be out of business if I couldn't answer it. It's the reason there's demand for a gay wedding producer. Here's a short list of differences:

50% of the country is opposed to gay marriage and many in the wedding industry do not support it either - couples face discrimination.

And it's perfectly legal to discriminate against LGBT couples in 28 U.S. states (i.e. a vendor can say, "I don't want to work with you.")

Who do you think fills the role of the "bride" during a wedding processional, when there are two brides or two grooms? We typically avoid anyone assuming this role by having the couple process together, hand-in-hand, or down two aisles simultaneously...

What do lesbian brides wear?

What do you call an engaged lesbian who doesn't feel like a "bride?"

Just a little food for thought...the list goes on. How do you answer this question?

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An Engage! Recap from the Point of View from the First Gay Wedding Planner

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, June 14, 2010

Last week, in between weddings, I dashed down to the Cayman Islands for the luxury wedding industry summit, Engage! There are some brilliant recaps on other blogs like BridalBar, Jasmine Star, Album Boutique, Elizabeth Anne Designs, to name a few. I don't need to talk about the impeccable details or post photos since others have done it so well, but I did want to share my own experience as the only attendee specifically in the business of gay weddings.

Now, make no mistake, there were plenty of other attendees in the wedding business who happened to be gay - just no one else in the "gay wedding business." As such, I felt honored to be singled out as an Innovator by Rebecca Grinnals during her opening remarks.

One of the first things that stands out to me is that this was the first wedding industry event I've ever attended where I wasn't bombarded by those passing me business cards seeking referrals in order to access my lucrative niche. How refreshing to be in a crowd above such gaucheness. I was among people from whom I could learn, and whom could learn from me with an open dialogue, candor and not an ounce of competitiveness. I've never been at an event with such a spirit of collaboration and vision (and I used to work for nonprofits) - and an understanding of the way the wedding industry is evolving.

I am in the business of identifying unmet needs for my clients and trying to solve the problem of heterosexism within the wedding industry. Last week, I met Millie Bratten, Editor of Brides magazine, whose current issue features a Real lesbian wedding. I talked to Randy Fenoli and his agent Jennifer about the lack of wardrobe options for lesbian brides. I spoke with Carley Roney from the Knot about improving Gay.Weddings.com. I spoke with Colin Cowie about creating a product that is inclusive for all engaged couples. It's nice to be able to freely speak with those who have the power to create positive change.

Everyone I met has their heart in the right place and wants to be more proactive - not just because it's good for business (and it is) but because it's also good for society. 40 years ago on June 12 was the day it became illegal to ban interracial marriage. Only 40 years ago. When will we look back on the day in which it became illegal to ban gay marriage?

It's not far away and I'm thrilled that such wedding industry visionaries are beginning to understand the impact that the (forthcoming...and it is forthcoming) legalization of gay marriage will have on the industry as a whole. Big thanks to Rebecca and Kathryn Arce for creating the space for this dialogue. These are the stories which change the world. What's your story?

(Those last two lines are my company's slogan, by the way)

Comments

Rosalind Bordo commented on 14-Jun-2010 06:25 PM

Bernadette, you are just awesome! Your post gave me chills and I know that the day is coming where it is legal everywhere. Bit by bit by bit. We'll get there. SO great to meet you in person. xoxo

Cyd commented on 14-Jun-2010 08:32 PM

Loved reading your perspective on Engage - I too am really excited to see how the industry evolves once gay marriage is finally legalized. Thank you for sharing your take!

Tip for Wedding Planners who Want to Plan Gay Weddings: Vendor Screening

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, June 10, 2010

In 2002, my girlfriend at the time and I were guests at a friend's commitment ceremony in South Carolina. The couple was from Atlanta but 100+ of us traveled to South Carolina because Edisto Island was a favorite place of these girls. They used all local vendors and even hired a local DJ. It was a beautiful event. Sometime that evening, the DJ began to make obnoxious, rude and homophobic statements and had to be kicked out of the wedding. Can you imagine kicking a DJ out of a wedding? It seems almost unfathomable.

But that's one thing my clients would never ever ever experience - because I screen vendors. They don't want to deal with discomfort, assumptions about the bride and groom, or downright rudeness.

I hear from a lot of gay and lesbian couples. And sometimes I hear them say, "You'd never believe the person I just spoke to at so-and-so" as they proceed to tell me an ugly story about a wedding vendor's awkwardness or distaste for the "gay lifestyle".

(I put lifestyle in quotes because we don't call it that - it's not a lifestyle, it's a life - but some people refer to being gay as a lifestyle)

If you are a wedding planner and want to start marketing yourself to gay and lesbian couples, you absolutely must identify a list of gay-friendly (or preferably gay-owned) vendors in your area. You must ask them the hard questions about their experience with gay couples and you must use your instincts to determine whether or not they are telling you what you want to hear because they want the business.

It's critical to your success in this market. Your reputation would be ruined if you had to kick a DJ (or any other vendor) out of a gay wedding for being hostile to the guests.

Are there a lot of gay-friendly or gay-owned wedding businesses in your area? Are you planning to start screening vendors in preparation to reach this market?

Comments

Tom Spencer commented on 28-Jun-2010 08:09 PM

I'm the owner of a small gay owned and operated DJ service 20 minutes outside of Washington Dc. I have been visiting your website for months and read your blog and stories regularly and often more than once. Sorry no dull business cards
here!

My partner, sidekick Gilles (french Canadian) and business partner Brenda and I admire you greatly and I can't thank you enough for all the ideas and education we have gotten from you. I wonder if you know how important your site is. I personally think it the best in the industry.

I relate so well to this article. I can't tell you how many sad stories I hear from my LGBT couples that plan their own event. Just this month I interviewed and booked a fabulous lesbian couple here at my home studio that told me about the rejection they had received from different vendors including DJ services. This couple was so distraught by the reaction they received from one DJ company that I could clearly see the hurt on their faces. It upset me so much that I went onto my website builder and changed the whole opening to my LGBT wedding and reception page. Because this couple could only afford so much, they are
planning their wedding and reception with out a wedding planner. I have been able to help by directing them to your site and a couple gay friendly vendor sites I work with. They have since been able to plan and coordinate their upcoming event scheduled for September 11, 2010 in a much more comfortable manner. We feel so honored that they have invited us to their wedding ceremony
as well as booked us for their entertainment.

I am seeing more gay friendly vendors putting themselves out there but few are advertising LGBT on their sites. This is very true of DJ services in our area. I research a lot and so far I am one of the only DJ company's advertising to both the LGBT and Heterosexual communities on its website in the DC metroregion. I admit my site is not the best since I am still learning website design. So far the results are mixed in the heterosexual community but positive in the LGBT community. I am fairly sure I have lost 2 straight receptions
recently due to my website content. I guess that makes sense. It bothers me a little since I consider myself a nice individual. None the less I am happy we are talking the talk and walking the walk. As the wedding market explodes here it will be interesting to see how wedding vendors react.

I hope you don't mind that I have added a link to your site from my LGBT page highly recommending my LGBT website visitors and others as well to visit your site.

Overheard at a Recent Gay Wedding

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, June 09, 2010

"Thank God for Massachusetts for letting us come here to get married!"

That's what one of my grooms said at a recent gay wedding during his toast to his friends and family. These guys and all of their guests (about 20 of them) came here from Florida, spending about $20,000 over the course of the weekend. The Massachusetts economy thanks them.

Did you know that according to Forbes magazine, nationwide legalization of gay marriage is projected to boost the overall wedding industry by $9.5 BILLION a year?

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Who Pays for a Gay Wedding?

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, June 07, 2010

In my independent analysis of nearly 200 same-sex weddings, I've noted that 87% of same-sex couples pay for their own wedding. This data is representative of both gay and lesbian couples, of all ages, from all around the country.

The main reasons for this:

when gay marriage first becomes legal in a state, the first same-sex couples to marry will be those who have been together the longest, often older couples who don't have or need support of their parents;
roughly 50% of Americans don't support gay marriage and therefore many parents won't pay for their kids' gay wedding (and may not even attend);

One of the sad observations I've made is that many parents who support their kids emotionally and have paid for their other, straight kids weddings won't spend a dime on their gay kids' weddings. That's a shame and an unfortunate double standard.

How this may impact you as a vendor in the wedding industry:

you may encounter couples who are fortunate not to have anyone's opinions but their own (i.e. no "moms of the bride") influencing their decision-making (this is fun!);
you may encounter couples who are much more willing to be non-traditional and think outside the box of what a wedding should look and feel like;
you may encounter couples who are on a lower budget;
you may encounter couples who have extra emotional baggage because of their parents' lack of support.

How have you seen parents' support or lack thereof affect your gay wedding clients?

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Photos in Your Marketing Strategy to Gay and Lesbian Couples

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, June 03, 2010

I get asked this question all the time by wedding industry vendors: how do I market to gay and lesbian couples?

It's the #1 question I'm asked.

My answer is: start by including photos of gay and lesbian couples on your website and in your other marketing materials.

Instead this photo to the left is what we normally get. (Photo by Teesside, UK) Lots and lots of photos like that - a very attractive couple and they look lovely and happy and they should.

And I'm not saying that you shouldn't include such photos - but it would help your business to show greater diversity in your online portfolio and in your printed materials. If you advertise on a gay wedding directory website or print ad, do not include a photo of a straight couple in your ad!

I try not to be a shameless self-promoter but I do think this is important. I offer a class for those in the wedding industry looking to reach the LGBT marketplace.

The next question I'm asked is: if I've never shot or worked a gay wedding, how do I get photos for my website?

Go through your portfolio and choose some shots of the bride or the groom alone; choose some where the gender may be ambiguous; use ample detail shots and long shots - and for more ideas, look at the photos on this very website, www.GayWeddingInstitute.com.

Comments

julie commented on 03-Jun-2010 04:17 PM

great post. luckily GLBT businesses have more (and good) choices these days when it comes to buying Gay and Lesbian images for advertising.

One of the reasons I started my company was to provide GREAT GLBT stock photography images (of couples).

http://www.homostock.com

cheers
julie

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Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Marketing to Same-Sex Couples at Wedding Expos

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Being Open-Minded to Subcultures Within the LGBT Community

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"Love is Love is Love"

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What's the Difference Between a Straight and a Gay Wedding?

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An Engage! Recap from the Point of View from the First Gay Wedding Planner

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Tip for Wedding Planners who Want to Plan Gay Weddings: Vendor Screening

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Overheard at a Recent Gay Wedding

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Who Pays for a Gay Wedding?

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Photos in Your Marketing Strategy to Gay and Lesbian Couples

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