Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Research, data, advice and tips on the business of same-sex weddings from Bernadette Coveney Smith, the nation's leading gay wedding expert. In 2004, Bernadette opened 14 Stories, the first company in the U.S. to specialize in planning same-sex weddings.

Don't Look Like a Man

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, March 31, 2010
A few weeks ago I was in a clothing designer's studio taking a bride to be fitted for a custom pants suit.  Things were going really well and we made a follow up appointment.

Later that week, that bride's fiancee called me asking to cancel the second appointment with the clothing designer.  Why?

Because the bride's 87 year old mother said to her, "You better not be dressed like a man on your wedding day."

So instead of wearing a custom suit that she was really digging on, the next week we had her trying on wedding dresses.  And she looked and felt like a fish out of water.  I took her to places where the wedding dresses were simpler (like J Crew) but we didn't have any luck finding her something she'd be comfortable in - and that's because she'd be more comfortable in a suit.

This situation hasn't resolved itself yet.  How would you handle this situation?  As you work with lesbian brides, you might find yourself in a very similar situation.




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Rev. Gina B. commented on 01-Apr-2010 11:41 AM
I've been thining about this comment ever since you posted it on Twitter. I never considered parents being so I considerate, but then again, family is the
main cause of stress during the planning of all weddings. I hope your brides and their families can come up with a solution or that your bride can find the courage to explain how uncomfortable she feels in dresses.
Amy commented on 01-Apr-2010 06:57 PM
I saw an episode of "Say Yes to the Dress" where they dressed both women in a lesbian wedding. One wore a wedding dress, the other wore an ivory womens pant suit. Women can wear suits too and not look like a man! I think another option that I've seen my mom wear to formal functions (even though she's not a lesbian :) is the flowy pant and tunic type outfit. Dressy without being overly feminine.

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The Foundation Covenant

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, March 29, 2010
During a gay wedding ceremony, the couple often signs the sacred text, the Foundation Covenant, during the ceremony.  Inspired by the Ketubah and Quaker wedding certificate, this is later signed by their guests and may be framed as wall art.  We love ours and it's a great reminder of the validation we experienced from our guests on our wedding day.

My clients often have them custom made to match their wedding materials but they can also be ordered from Daniel Sroka at ModernKetubah.com.  His beautiful artwork makes for a stunning Covenant.  Below is an example of one of Daniel's Covenants.



Do you think your gay wedding clients would enjoy adding the Covenant to their own wedding ceremony ritual?





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Weekly Gay Marriage Roundup Vol 9

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Friday, March 26, 2010
There wasn't too much excitement this week in the world of gay marriage except for a couple of postponements in critical rulings regarding gay marriage in Italy and Malawi.  What's happening in your neck of the woods?

Local news:
And around the world:





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The Alternative Lifestyle

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Jen and I were at a wedding open house a few weeks ago and one of the vendors, upon hearing of our niche, said to us, "That's great!  I'd love to work with you to support these alternative lifestyles."

How would you like it if your life - your LIFE - was referred to as a lifestyle?  Do you live the heterosexual lifestyle?

Now, of course I was very polite and didn't call her out or get all righteous - but imagine what that would have felt like if instead of being two wedding planners, we were two brides or two grooms.  

The problem with the phrase "alternative lifestyle", "gay lifestyle" or "homosexual lifestyle" is that it implies that our life is a choice, that we chose to lead this lifestyle.  The reality is that we were born gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.  It wasn't was a choice and it's not a lifestyle.

Now, this lady was very nice to us, meant no harm whatsoever and certainly didn't mean to offend - nor were we offended.  But I think it's a good teachable moment in case you accidentally use that phrase (even in a very supportive context) with a gay or lesbian couple you are working with.  Many LGBT people will find this offensive even though I didn't.

Have you accidentally ever used the phrase alternative lifestyle in front of a client?





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Why 400 Gay Weddings Failed

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, March 22, 2010
As the news became official that the District of Columbia was going to legalize gay marriage, a startup company called GLBT Wedding Services created an event designed to set the Guinness world record of the most number of couples married at the same time.  The previous record was 168 straight couples and the company was aiming for 400 same-sex couples.  It's a very sweet idea and if it worked, would have been pretty cool to see.

Unfortunately, only 10 couples participated.

There's a lesson in this that should be noted as gay marriage becomes legal in other places.   Mike Crawford says it best in this Washington Post article:  "We have been waiting a long time for gay couples to be able to marry, so people are focused on creating events that are going to be really special," says Mike Crawford, co-chairman of DC for Marriage. "And it's hard to be special when you're getting married with hundreds of couples you don't know."

The bottom line is this - gay marriage is rare, sacred and historic.  There aren't very many places where it's legal and only roughly 10% of the population is LGBT.  Gay couples aren't to be tokenized as gay marriage becomes legal.  Marriage is an important institution.  It means something special.  

And you have to be authentic to reach this market.  

How do you feel about large group marriages - even if you're straight?  Is that something you would ever do?





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Lilia Ahner commented on 22-Mar-2010 06:27 PM
No one wants to be part of a mass wedding. Every one deserves to have a unique wedding that is a personal expression and very special.

And like Mike Crawford said, people have been waiting YEARS or DECADES to get married. When I was fortunate enough to photograph weddings for same sex couples in California in 2008, all of my couples had been together for years, and much longer than my straight clients. If you've been forced to wait that long, you deserve something special and out of this world.

Gay or straight, I think most people don't want to be part of a spectacle like a mass wedding. They just want something special, meaningful, and that brings their family and friends together to celebrate the love and union of this one couple.
LDPhotography commented on 25-Jan-2011 12:16 PM
I agree with you Lilia. When I got married, I think what made OUR wedding nice is that we only had about 70 guests. I have my first "large" wedding coming up in a month with over 350 people attending. Until now, 200 was large for me. The couple is great, and its a celebration, but it is also a "show." I have seen 6 weddings go on at once in Savannah, on 10-10-10... Is it about the couple or about the date?

I always consult my couples and let them know, the most important part of the day is that they will be Married! For GBLT couples, that is a day that some never ever thought would be realized. Just like all weddings, gay or straight, it should be held sacred.

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Weekly Gay Marriage Roundup Vol 8

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Friday, March 19, 2010
Happy Friday and welcome to the weekly gay marriage news roundup.  This week had some interesting developments. I'm particularly interested to see what happens with gay divorce in Texas.  Here we go!

Across the U.S.:

Around the World:

What's happening in your area?





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What Gay Marriage Means for DC

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, March 15, 2010
Gay marriage is official in DC and has been for a few weeks now.  Jobs are expected to be created by the increase in revenue to the Capital. Yes, that's right:  the gay wedding industry is so strong that it can create jobs.  Here's more you should know:

  • DC is the 6th most visited city in the country by gay and lesbian tourists
  • Approximately 8.1% of DC residents are gay or lesbian (in 2005, about 33,000 people)
  • This is about 4,000 couples. 
    73% are male; 27% are female. 
    The average age is 42.  
    8% of same-sex couples are raising children under the age of 18.
  • Same-sex couples labeling themselves as unmarried partners have the highest rates in DC with same-sex couples representing 14.12 of every 1,000 households. 
  • Gay marriage is expected to provide a boost to the DC economy by over $52.2 million over three years and creation of approximately 700 new jobs. 
  • This includes $5.4 million in new revenues for the city; 
    over $4.8 million in sales tax revenues and hotel tax revenues; and
    approximately $650,000 in marriage license fees for D.C. 
  • Approximately 65% of this revenue will come from non-DC residents who travel to legally marry.
How has business been for you since gay marriage became legal in DC?

Data provided by Community Marketing, the American Community Survey and the Williams Institute.





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Weekly Gay Marriage Roundup Vol 7

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Friday, March 12, 2010
This is the week that gay marriage began in the nation's capital.  Truly a historic day.  Let's start with that and explore the other gay marriage and wedding news of the week!

Across the U.S.:
And across the world:

What's going on in your neck of the woods?





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The Most Popular Reading at a Gay Wedding Ceremony

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The most popular reading during gay wedding ceremonies has tremendous meaning. It's historical. It's beautifully written.  It speaks volumes about the significance of a marriage.  And it was written by a lawyer...

Well, a judge actually.  The most popular reading during gay wedding ceremonies is part of the ruling which legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts (the first state to have legal gay marriage).  It was written by Judge Margaret Marshall from the State Supreme Judicial Court.  While this is by no means the whole ruling, the passage below is the long version and  is often excerpted into smaller chunks:

"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For  those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the "welfare of the community." It is a "social institution of the highest importance." ...

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family.... Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and  connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition."

Please pass this along to your clients.  I'm sure they'll enjoy having a piece of history read during their ceremony.  Have you seen this done before?





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Amberdawn commented on 15-Mar-2010 12:00 PM
Well said.

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Engagement Rings/Wedding Bands for Gay Couples

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, March 08, 2010
I had a great question the other day I wanted to answer here:  Do gay couples wear wedding bands along with the engagement ring? For example, When two men marry will one of them wear an additional band to compliment the engagement ring?

In my observation, many men will only wear one ring, not two. In this case, often the engagement ring will double as a wedding band. 

Younger lesbian brides (those under 40) are likelier to wear two rings. For example, my wife Jen, like many lesbians, wears her engagement ring and wedding band next to each other on the same finger. This is very common, and of course, traditional. My engagement ring doesn't have a stone (my choice) so my engagement ring is now on the ring finger of my right hand, and my wedding band is on the ring finger of my left hand. 

I've noticed that gay and lesbian couples who are older and/or who've been together for a long time, already wear rings and in this case, usually substitute those rings with new wedding bands, forgoing an engagement ring altogether. These couples are also less likely to have had a traditional "pop the question" proposal experience, hence the lack of engagement rings.

Finally, I've never had a client wear a rainbow-themed or other overtly "gay" wedding ring.  These are available but I've never noticed them to be popular, though I know there's a market for them.

What have you observed when working with gay and lesbian couples?





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Jake commented on 22-May-2010 02:09 PM
Thank you for this, I am thinking of proposing to my boyfriend in the near future and I have been looking for rings and what not but I thought I should read up on diamonds and stuff like that.

I found this very helpful, thank you


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