Gay Weddings are Good for Business

Fast forward six years and Cambridge is still immortalized for issuing those licenses in the middle of the night, and to this day, a banner still hangs in City Hall with a quote from the State Supreme Court ruling.  

Last year, I had a gay couple come in from Pennsylvania to get married. I picked them up at their hotel in the morning and brought them to Cambridge City Hall to apply for their license and get married.  The best part of the day (I think we'd all agree) was when we were in Cambridge City Hall, license in hand, with the Honorable Denise Simmons (Justice of the Peace and at that time, Mayor of the City of Cambridge). She officiated a beautiful, simple ceremony in her office and at the conclusion of the ceremony, presented my clients a felt bag. Inside the bag was a key to the City of Cambridge.

Imagine the reaction of these two guys! They were elated! They were two African-American men in their 40s and at the time, Ms. Simmons was the only openly-lesbian African-American mayor of a city in the US, handing them a key to her city. I didn't know it was coming - but what a pleasant surprise for all of us! 

I posted about this in my other blog last year, and another couple saw the story and asked for the same experience.  I couldn't promise it, of course, but we ended up back in Cambridge City Hall, in the office of Mayor Simmons, and she not only gave these brides a key to the City, but me as well!  I love it.  

This is a little piece of history and I really enjoy sharing this with my clients by bringing them there to get their own marriage license.

The top two reasons I’ve observed:

• Many gay couples have already been together for years, accumulating a houseful of great stuff – and just don’t need to register.
• Many gay couples would rather their guests support an important charity – such as those that fight for marriage equality everywhere, like the Human Rights Campaign.

Keep in mind the following as you are working with a couple on their gay wedding:

• Some couples won't have the same number of attendants on either side.  It doesn’t have to be matchy-matchy.   No symmetry required.
• Some people are not comfortable with gender roles associated with wedding tasks
• Many gay couples do not have children at their wedding
• In many gay weddings, people other than the Best Man offer toasts
• Many gay weddings don’t have bachelor parties or bridal showers
• Many gay couples don’t ask their attendants to dance with one another.
• Many gay couples don’t expect their female attendants to all wear the exact same dress, if they are even asked to wear a dress at all.  For dresses, I’m a fan of designers like J Crew and Aria where you can match the fabric in a variety of dresses that flatter every figure.
• There are often no formal introductions at a gay wedding, or if there are, it’s typically just the newlyweds.  

Jen and I each had two girls on our sides, so four in total.  The girls were in charge of invitations and activities at the bridal shower.  They also threw us a bachelorette party but otherwise didn’t have a ton of responsibility.  They were all asked to wear navy but had complete freedom in their outfit selection.  They were not asked to give toasts.  They were not asked to dance with one another. 

In short, if you’re planning a gay wedding, there’s a good chance a couple might be asking a lot less of their attendants than their heterosexual counterparts.  What have you seen in gay wedding parties?  What have your clients called their attendants?   

Have you taken any lesbian brides dress shopping?  How was that experience?  Do you own a bridal salon and have you worked with lesbian couples before?

You should note that the you also shouldn't assume that the couple does not have the support of their family.  That's almost as bad and is essentially like saying, "Oh good, it's nice they approve of your lifestyle choice."  

Let the couple tell you what role their parents may play, or ask open ended questions to find out.